Syndicated from the Telegraph - Columnist: Ray Cyst

Back in 2011, when the SSP (Scotch Splittist Party) won the election in Scotlandshire on a tiny minority of votes, I wrote in these pages that Cameron must not allow the Scotch to hold a referendum. The very idea of leaving the future of the entire UK - of my country - in their hands was always preposterous. Ludicrous.

'But of course they will never vote for separation', the argument ran at the time. 'They are a bunch of whinging subsidy junkies, but whinging subsidy junkies who know what side of their ciabatta the brie is on'. We were, I was re-assured, simply calling Salmon’s bluff. Salmon, you see, never wanted independence. What he wanted was more devolution and more subsidies.

The idea of a straight yes or no referendum would - and I believe still does - terrify him. No sane person could possibly believe Scotlandshire could be a real country. It’s farcical! Scotlandshire is a region of the UK and separation simply makes no sense at all. Why on earth would anyone want it? To go through the pain of…of…well a lot of paperwork for one thing…there must be a lot of paperwork with separation.

And for the gain of what? Becoming a small country a bit like Denmark or Norway! Insane! Salmon is, we are told, a smart politician, so he surely must see how ridiculous this idea of so called “independence” is?

And of course, there will BE no real independence with his asinine idea of keeping the pound. The whole concept of a currency union makes a mockery of genuine independence. Who among us would ever even consider the Euro?

We want out of Europe because they take too much power from our government at Westminster, which is a truly terrible thing. It’s lunacy for any country to willingly give away sovereignty. And yet this is what Salmon and his SSP say they want! Madness. And it’s even more ludicrous for them to think that any of us in the rest of the UK would agree to such a nonsense. It would be laughable if it wasn’t so serious. Share power with the Jocks? Let them cede sovereignty to us with a currency union? Not on your nelly, Salmon!

Just as this Englishman would not contemplate the Euro, so he won’t contemplate sharing anything with the Jocks. Not if they willingly make themselves foreign. Which is how most of us see them anyway, but they are *our* foreigners now, so it doesn’t count. As Jeremy Clarkson said, they are like the family pet - noisy, smelly, leaves hair everywhere, sometimes shits on the carpet and needs taken for walks. But you’d miss the bugger if it went, even just because it wasn’t there to kick anymore.

And so to Cameron. His decision to allow them to have their referendum was idiocy of the first order. The splittists are a tiny minority, it is true. But it now appears possible that tiny minority may actually win! “Never doubt that a small number of committed individuals can change the world - it’s the only thing that ever has”. So said some woman (probably a bloody feminist) once. And this is what terrifies some of us in the NO TO SEPARATION; KEEP THE JOCKS OURS campaign. Of course it would be a preposterous outcome. And were it to happen, the Scotch, led by Salmon, would be running screaming to us to take them back and nullify the whole thing. 'It wasn’t what we really wanted', the silent majority would shriek. 'But we thought it was a foregone conclusion so stayed in to watch Masterchef'. Or, 'We thought it was just a protest vote, we really didn’t think the extremists would achieve over 50%, we’re so sorry'.

It will be constitutional anarchy and it will be Cameron’s fault for allowing it; for allowing our futures to be put in their hands. The very idea that our destiny could be determined by a bunch of easily manipulated morons in another country is simply so ludicrous, so out-of-this-world lunatic that no sane person could possibly countenance it. And yet Cameron has allowed it to happen.

If the Scotch do vote the wrong way and our country is changed irrevocably - for irrevocable it must be, however much the Scotch cry and whinge for us to reverse it - Cameron simply must resign. There is no other way. He is the one who failed to block the result of them voting the wrong way in 2011. I do feel sorry for the sensible majority in Scotlandshire who know their place and didn’t vote the wrong way in 2011, and who will again vote the correct way in September: it was Cameron’s role to save them from their own countrymen. He failed. And the price for failure must be resignation for Cameron. And independence for the idiot Scotch.

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