Labour politicians say Glasgow rally was 'full of bloody lefties'
By Paul S A Frie-Zoan, our Scottish Labour Party Unpaid Research Intern
In an effort to re-evaluate the purpose and future of their party, a number of courageous Labour MSPs and councillors attended yesterday's 'anti-austerity' rally in Glasgow.
The rally in George Square was organised by the Scottish Trades Union Congress to voice their opposition to the government's austerity policy.
Organisers claimed over ten thousand attended, but a police estimate from 6:30am put the audience at fewer than ten, including some street cleaners and the two officers making the estimate.
The visit by the Labour politicians (or more correctly the fact-finding trip as it was covered by expenses) was organised to determine if any policy initiatives could be gleaned from those speaking at or attending the event.
The interim leadership of Scottish Labour feels that their sole current policy, which can be summed up as 'the SNP is really, really bad', may not be sufficient to fill up their 2016 manifesto.
The remaining few SLab politicians are therefore being encouraged to visit grassroots policy events such as the George Square rally in order to 'pauchle' any usable policy ideas which might emerge.
Dunfermline MSP Cara Hilton was at the rally and she told our reporter: "Initially it looked quite promising as there were speakers from trades unions, charities and political organisations, groups we have agreed with in the past, so we were expecting loads of great new policy ideas.
"But as soon as they appeared on stage, it became clear there would be nothing we could even consider putting in our 2016 manifesto.
"Speaker after speaker showed little or no understanding of the absolute priority of deficit reduction and why massive cuts to benefits are the best way, nay the only way to achieve this end.
"There was no talk of reaching out to the nervous middle class voters of Southern England or even of embracing the importance of aspiration in order to head off a squeeze from the Tories on the right and UKIP on the left.
"Not only was none of the speakers remotely business-friendly in his or her rhetoric, but some were downright critical, particularly of the financial services industry which is so pivotal to the current economic recovery we're all enduring.
"Sorry, I'll read that again, the current economic recovery we're all enjoying.
"In short, it was nothing more than a load of lefty troublemakers, taking the opportunity to bellyache in public and bleat on about socialism, social justice and social equality. Fu*king pointless if you ask me.
"Also, I suspect some of the speakers and probably all of the audience were lazy, scrounging benefit junkies, looking for something for nothing.
"It was a totally wasted day, when I could have been out closing primary schools or something useful.
We later met up with Glasgow City Council leader 'wee Gordy' Matheson and asked him what he had learned from the event.
"Not much, I'm afraid," he squeaked, "most of what we heard was pure pish, which was a huge disappointment to me after coming all the way across the square from my office.
"I realise as leadership candidates we are obliged to talk about the 'autonomy' of the Scottish branch, but that autonomy doesn't go as far as adopting commie policies like the ones expressed here! I'd be kicked out the party for even suggesting it!
"Frankly, I learned much more at Orangefest, and I picked up a lot of usable stuff for 2016 there too, including a new fleg for the office wall.
"At least we have plenty in common with the Huns. These 'socialists' might as well have been speaking a different language.
"I mean, where is the N in the word 'cut' anyway? It makes no sense.
BBC Scotland (the spoof one) : Protesters in anti-austerity rally
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