Glasgow to declare independence following council election success

 By  Law B Doasser, Our Weegie correspondent.

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The SNP group on Glasgow City Council has announced its plans for Sotlandshire's largest city to declare independence from the United Kingdom, after the nationalists were elected as the largest group in Thursday's local elections.
 
James Dornan, an SNP MSP for Glasgow Cathcart, said, "Clearly, Glasgow is now SNP territory. We hold all of the Westminster seats, all of the Holyrood constituency seats and now we are the largest group on the City Council.
 
"The time has come for the great City of Glasgow to show Scotland the way forward by becoming an independent member of the EU.
 
"In line with SNP tradition, we will use our Glasgow victories in all 3 recent elections as the trigger to declare UDI and will begin negotiations on secession from the UK with immediate effect.
 
"Well, maybe not immediate exactly, but early next week as soon as we all sober up. I'm off to the Scottish National Partaaaay!"
 
Cllr Susan Aitken, leader of the SNP group, told the BBC, "We want to act as an example for the rest of the country.
 
"Theresa May is refusing a second indyref, so we are planning to become an independent city before next month's general election, to let people see how easy UDI would be.
 
"This city has always led the way in Scottish politics, from the birth of the Labour movement, to the Red Clydesiders and the election of the first SNP MPs.
 
"And we are carrying on this tradition with my plan to increase Glasgow's population from 600,000 to over a million through our "Shag for Scotland" campaign.
 
"Glasgow will hold the door open for Scotland to follow in June. Now IS the time!"
 
Labour's eponymous MSP Anas Sarwar tweeted, "Despite now having far more councillors than anyone else, the SNP have lost the election as they didn't gain every one of the seats.
 
"This shows that there is no demand for UDI in Glasgow and the SNP should get on with their day job of trying to win an independence referendum.
 
"Hang on. That can't be right. Is it? Who wrote this shite anyway?"

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