Help the urgent appeal for BBC's Red Face Day
By Johnny Bossyman, Our Charity Begins at Home Director of Bias
Some of you bleeding heart liberals may be tempted to shell out some of your hard-earned Minimum Wage to help cure the epidemic of Red Nose disease that is sweeping the world.
It is a worthy cause, we do not deny that. However, why restrict your concern to the nasal protuberance when a far greater threat is heading our way?
The serious menace of Red Face is one that threatens all the executives of BBC Scotlandshire, and must be resisted at all costs.
Those costs, of course, must be borne not by us, but by you - our generous, if simple-minded, readers.
Red Face Syndrome is activated when the body's defence mechanisms, such as BBC Management, the BBC Trust, and UK Government are eroded by the Nat virus. While embarassment affects the whole body, causing it to crumble into fetid dust, the disease first exhibits by a reddening of the countenace greater than that caused by excessive consumption of our extensive wine cellar.
Such a fate looms ever closer, as agents of the disease, like gerbils carrying the Black Death, multiply in the pustules of the body politic. The need to wipe out the Ponsonby, Robertson, Newsnet and Bateman colonies has never been greater, as they spread the virus through the brains of the once quiescent, somnolent Scotch viewers.
These crazed patients seem likely to be about to send their even crazier woad daubed leaders to London on May 7th, and force the traitors in the British Establishment to cede control over broadcasting in Scotlandshire to their Assembly in Edinborough.
We desperately need you to fund the emergency teams from "Parties Sans Principles" that are fighting a rearguard action against the foul pestilence - yea even in the sacred realms of St Jim and Pandaland.
But if you still have a bob or two left, after buying some extra groceries to give to your local food bank, do consider a donation to the Scarlet Nose Project (SNP) which can be done HERE.
Comic Relief: Red Nose Day
Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.