SNP worse than dodgy King, says Home Secretary
By Sir Sickov Hydinet CBE MBE LMFAO, our Royal Correspondent
An SNP/Labour pact would be 'more dangerous to England than a Nazi King', the Home Secretary Theresa May has warned.
Her interjection into the General Election campaign came as a poll showed a small recovery for the Conservatives, but still predicted a hung parliament.
“Not since 1936, when King Edward VIII was forced to abdicate due to his political sympathies' and those of his fiancée Wallis Simpson, has England's ruling class faced such a crisis.” she said in a press conference yesterday.
“It was unacceptable for the English to be ruled by a Nazi back then, and it's still unacceptable today. It would be the biggest constitutional crisis since – oh I don't know – the Norman invasion.
“How do I know the SNP are Nazis, you ask. My friends in the Labour party tell me it is so, and they would never knowingly lie.
“Labour have a branch office somewhere in Scotlandshire and they assure me Sturgeon is both a Socialist and a Nationalist, and we all know what that adds up to.
“Take Ian Smart, he is a senior official Labour spokesman on something or other and he is always going on about the Nazi SNP on that Tweeter thingy – especially late on a Friday evening, it seems. Here is a very recent example of one:
Boris Jonhson, Mayor of London, agreed with Ms May on the Anne Drumar show this morning when he said, “The evidence is in the name, Scottish National-IST Party. As someone with a liberal arts degree, that's all the evidence I need.”
He later added, “The Scottish Nationalist party is only interested in Scotlandshire, not in the whole of England”.
A spokesman for the Daily Mail, who broke the story, said: “We think Theresa might be over-egging it a bit for effect. From our perspective, the abdication in 1936 was far worse than the SNP takeover bid – it was a genuine missed opportunity. After all, old Lord Rothermere was rather keen on the fascists and didn't mind people knowing it.”
We asked the country's only psephologist, Prof John Poultice, why the Tories ware making such a fuss about the SNP instead of attacking Labour.
He explained: “Lynton Crosby has convinced them they can't beat the Labour party by attacking their policies, as those are virtually identical to their own.
“Neither can they attack them on the economy as the Tories have turned out to be every bit as incompetent as Labour were, only they seem to enjoy the process of destruction more.
“So the simplest solution to their problem can be summed up thusly:
“To beat Labour, the Tories must attract UKIP voters back by scaring them with the SNP.
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