Alex Salmond rushed to Aberdeen Royal Infirmary

By Hellanor Broadbrush, Our Health and Ill-being correspondent

Alex Salmond at book launchAlex Salmond has been rushed by ambulance to Aberdeen Royal Infirmary after a serious storeroom accident.

The former First Minister, who is 60 years old, was found floating in and out of consciousness by a member of his staff in a storeroom area at his Strichen home in the early hours of this morning.

A spokesperson for Aberdeen Royal Infirmary acknowledged a 60 year old man had been admitted this morning after an incredibly short four hour stay in Accident and Emergency.

The spokesperson commented: “A 60 year old male was admitted in the early hours of this morning in a semi-conscious state following a blunt force trauma injury to the head. The man is in a stable condition in our high dependency unit.”

Mr Salmond has been balancing a busy post referendum political life, a campaign to be elected as the Member of Parliament for the Gordon constituency and travelling all over the globe on a book signing tour.

His book, “The Dream Shall Never Die: 100 Days that Changed Scotland Forever” [1], is published by Harper Collins, hand printed by Rupert Murdoch and was released on the 19th March this year.

The book signing events are currently the best attended political events in Scotlandshire. In Ellon last night, more people were waiting in line for the shop toilet than there are Labour Party members in the whole of Scotlandshire.

At the recent SNP Conference, Mr Salmond’s book signing interlude was the best attended session of the whole weekend: even more popular than the dry uninspiring leader’s speech of Nicola Sturgeon. Ms Sturgeon has been extensively slammed for the lack of progress for the SNP since taking over from the loser Alex Salmond.

Our first port of call was to seek out Jim Morphy MP, the Scottish branch manager of London Labour, to ask for a response to this news. Mr Morphy replied: “The question isn’t what I think about Alex’s condition but how will the NHS in Scotlandshire be able to afford to treat him thanks to the SNP government’s mismanagement of the NHS."

Mr Morphy reached out to former Labour voters who've switched allegiances to support the SNP, he concluded: "Only a vote for Scottish Labour can save Alex Salmond."

Christine Jardine of the Liberal DemocratsChristine Jardine of the Liberal Democrats, who is considered as Mr Salmond’s main opponent for the Gordon seat, was “deeply saddened” to hear of his condition.

Ms Jardine, a former journalist with STV, chirped: “Everyone knows how nice I am compared to the evil and vile Alex Salmond, so I've been instructed by my superiors to wish him a speedy recovery after the 8th of May.

“The voters of Gordon need to consider if they want the proper walking dead representing them at Westminster or if they want to chance Alex Salmond. That’s the choice they face on the 7th of May.”

The Scottish Editor of the Telegraph, Alan Cockburn, was one of the first to comment on this breaking news, he slurred: “Sturgeon just cannot stop this man’s attempts to upstage her. Even the cold finger of death tapping on his shoulder fails to prevent him plunging the knife into her leadership.

“Watch as the Cybernats crash the Internet today with their cyberprayers to the Internet Gods, all in a fool's errand to save their lord and saviour and to vainly keep him on the separation campaign trail."

The Labour Party branch office in Scotlandshire and the Orange Order have come together again to organise a prayer vigil for Mr Salmond. A spokesbigot commented: "You know how to pray!"

A spokeperson for the real First Minister of Scotlandshire commented: "There is no cause for alarm. Mr Salmond was bending down to tape up a box of his books when an unstable stack fell on his head.

"He is being kept in hospital strictly as a precaution."

BBC Scotlandshire will be updating this article throughout the day as more details become available.

[1] “The Dream Shall Never Die: 100 Days that Changed Scotland Forever” is available from all good, bad and online booksellers.


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