By Sharny Beets-Smyth, Our Agricultural Correspondent

Dramatic evidence of the vicious behaviour, indulged in by raving Natz lunatics, was released today by U-KOK to a slavering press pack.

Hardened reporters recoiled in horror, as photographic proof was produced. Most had never seen such animals before.

They wept openly at the tearful account from Dumfriesshire farmer's wife, Mrs Minnie Shant, of how her property had been invaded by a mindless herd who not only trampled on and ate her sign, but also shat all over the property.

They laughed hilariously at the hack from the Sunday Herald who asked, "Where's the evidence that these are anything other than cows, and what possible connection can you make between them and the Yes campaign?"

They cheered as he was crushed by U-KOK head, Bliar McDonut.

"The proof is obvious", he triumphed. "It's there for all to see in brown and white in the photograph. I've seen real cows in Pollok Country Park and they look nothing like that. Real cows have horns and dangly bits underneath. These are poor simulations of cows, so must be like all of Alecsammin's ideas - poor imitations of the real thing. Anyway Davie Mundell says that the shite wasn't bullshit, and he's an expert on that."

A spokesbyre for 'Fairmers for Aye', heid herdsman at Mains o'Clatterty, commented, "Of coorse, if ye pit a bluidy great sign up in a park wi beasts in it, they'll hae it doon in nae time ava. At's the reason ye dinna see mair Yes posters in oor parks. At wid be like a reid rag tae a bull (nae that the rag his tae be reid : bulls are colour blind). We've mair bluidy sense. Onywye, 'Minnie Shant" isnae a person. Minishant is a wee bit village in Ayrshire. Dee you useless buggers nae check onything?"

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