BBC Scotlandshire gives the Leveson right to reply to a complainant

by Mark McOupon, a wee moaning separatist bastirt

salmond-wingsBBC Scotlandshire, your State broadcaster, has received a small number of complaints over the years, mainly from bellyaching seps banging on and on about bias, balance and bollox of a similar nature. Naturally, most of them can be safely binned filed and forgotten.

However, every so often, a remonstration is recieved from a complainant who has taken things too far. One who has neither a sense of proportion nor any idea when to stop. These are more difficult to ignore.

I am now in a position to reveal that this channel has recently been the recipient of one such indictment.

Sent through the medium of our very own 'Complaints' button, a service which was never intended for such a purpose, we have been bombarded by the following, abusive message:

"I demand that you publicly air this complaint. Or else, lawyer up.[sic]"

Our initial response was to do just that. We contacted our legal advisors, Cheetham, Guile & Perger, who informed us that we would be able to offer no defence against a charge of institutional bias, advising us to acquiesce to whatever demands the complainant chose to make. This did lead us to wonder why we pay so much of the license payers hard-earned money to these people, but easy come...

We then consulted our PR company, Saatchi, Thumpem & Garotte, who advised us to threaten the compainant with physical violence, unless he or she turned out to be a big tough-looking Scotchperson.

This alarming advice led us to finally view the accompanying video, which contained the detail of the complaint. This was made more challenging than expected due to the speech impediment of the announcer. He sounded rather like a mid-atlantic front man for Rammstein who moonlights as circus performer and whose act culminates in the swallowing and regurgitating of a string of razor blades while gargling bleach.

But eventually, to our delight, we discovered that the accusation was not only of political bias, but also of the covering up of institutionalised sexual abuse. Immediately, it became clear that this had been intended for the Spoof BBC channel across the river and had been directed at us in error.

Both we and the satirical BBC Scotland may be organs of the state with appalling levels of political bias, but we at least have never employed Jimmy Saville, Gary Glitter or Rolf Harris - mainly because we couldn't afford their fees.

Consequently, we are happy to oblige the complainant and run the video below.


Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

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