By Squirrel Watcher, Our Politics on the Box Correspondent

Fury erupted in U-KOK HQ, as the Treasury produces definitive proof that they are innumerate incompetents, who are so bloody useless that any country that they run is bound to be a bankrupt useless wreck (Oh! Bugger!)

On the day that the spoof BBC channel replaced it's Newsnicht programme with a new satire offering called "Scotlandshire 2014", the London School of Economics exploded a virtual bomb under the UK Treasury, and the programme's first guest - Danny Alexander, Chief Secretary to said Treasury.

The Treasury had made the perfectly reasonable point that messing around with a Whitehall Department cost around £15m. No one has disputed that figure! They also (again reasonably) pointed out that the Natz had suggested that an independent "Scotland" would need around 180 public bodies.

Since Scotlandshire is already a Fascist/Communist dictatorship, obviously all these bodies will be under the direct control of the Dictator. Therefore, they must be Government Departments, and will cost at least £15m each to reconfigure - has anyone seen just how much agencies charge, to recommend that "shire" be removed from a title?

Natz claim that bodies like the "National Trust for Scotlandshire" already exist and will cost nothing to set up. This is obvious nonsense.

If Scotlandshire secedes, it also secedes from the NTS. Craigievar Castle is a national treasure - but it's a British national treasure. Under secession it, and all the other NTS properties will be dismantled stone by stone and rebuilt in Essex.

Salmond needs to explain how a bankrupt Scotlandshire would fund the transfer of these assets to rUK, and how they would fund the construction of plastic replicas in their place.

But in a shocking display of treasonable adherence to something they call "honesty", the Financial Times chose to publish a serious rubbishing not only of the original Treasury report, but of their subsequent defence of "that was a wee mistake, we actually meant it was based on something else".

The FT quotes Prof Dunleavy, author of the LSE report, as saying “The Treasury’s figures are bizarrely inaccurate. I don’t see why the Scottish Government couldn’t do this [set up the machinery for an independent state] for a very small amount of money.”

Naturally the Treasury responded that they weren't actually paying attention to Dunleavy's work and that instead it is focusing on the figure of £1.5bn, which it says is based on research by Robert Young, politics professor at Western Ontario University.

The criminal FT, however, then purports to quote Prof Young as saying that the £1.5bn estimate was not his, but rather was extrapolated from the top of a range of estimates provided by academics looking how much it would cost Quebec to separate from Canada. The lowest of those estimates would put the cost at 0.4 per cent of Scotland’s output, equivalent to £600m.

It is little wonder that the National Crime Agency has warned of a serious criminal conspiracy to fix the result of a match involving Scotlandshire.

We take this to mean that the editor of the Financial Times, Prof Young and Prof Dunleavy are to be banged up in the Tower of London for treason. However, it may be that Danny Alexander has also sought legal advice.

Related Articles

Sunday Herald [spit] : New 'milestone' Treasury scare story doesn't add up

Wings Over Scotland [double spit] : The horse's mouth, and other parts

LSE Institute for Government : Making and Breaking Whitehall Departments (On no acount read page 44 of this document, that explains where the £15 million figure came from)

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