Holyrood infested by plague of rodents
By Scurries Aboot, Our Rodent Correspondent
Yet another massive blow hit the separatists as criticism mounts over the plague of rodents infesting the Scottish Parliament. A growing problem since the Parliament building was opened; the pests have become a prolific menace under the current SNP administration of the pretendy wee Parliament.
The mice of Holyrood have formally complained to the Presiding Officer about their home being overrun by disease ridden rodents at the same time as the First Minister has come under fresh pressure to explain his personal policy on nocturnal activities in a separate Scotlandshire.
A spokemouse, who’s heart was humming at 500 beats per minute while recollecting a recent scary encounter, told BBC Scotlandshire: “Here was me going about my business when one of them swopped down from above, a wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie. I was so surprised and O, what a panic's in thy breastie that a little pee came out!”
In a warning to all users of the Parliament building, the spokesmouse advised: “In a building like that, with so many nooks and crannies, there will always be beasties trying to get in.”
“You hear about these vile creatures roaming about other places in Scotlandshire, particularly in the Lothians, but you don’t expect to be confronted by one yourself.”
“But there seems to be a lot more than there should be now because of the season and unusual voting demographics.”
Concluding, the spokemouse provided a public health warning: “You really shouldn’t confront these creatures as some carry nasty diseases such as Separatist Nutter Pandemic.”
One building user said: “It’s not a good impression for Scotlandshire’s parliament to have such big rodents crawling around but there’s no accounting for the democratic will of the people.”
The Deputy Presiding Officer had only one comment to make on the matter: “There's a moose loose aboot this hoose!”
MSPs of all parties employed similarly dreadful puns and 'cat and mouse' jokes as if unaware that in another Parliament much further away, larger rodents were busy.
Earlier this year a contingent of Westminster rats were kidnapped and shoved into a sack by Mr Iain Duncan Smith before being brought north to Scotlandshire. Local protesters put up resistance to Mr Duncan Smith for his inhumane use of a Ratbag.
Interestingly, the very same protesters had not a cross word to say about the UK Government’s welfare changes that deal with the malingerers, scroungers and separatists – a welcome sign that Scotlandshire is more than happy to be ruled over by millionaire Tory toffs - regardless of whether they are called Cameron, Miliband or Clegg - or whatever UK party label that they spout Toryism under.
The demonstrators are believed to be on their way to Stirling to complain about a dastardly scheme to contaminate the locals with diseased sick rats from Westminster.
In other news, the Tory leader came to Scotlandshire to address his faithful via their hearing aids and ear trumpets in the shortest speech a UK Tory leader has ever given at a Scottish Tory Conference. In a mere 17 minutes he said all he had to say - that, no matter how far to the right, the Labour rats were drawn by their Pied Piper leaders, he, as King Rat, would always ensure that Tories would always find another rathole to take the UK from the mediocrity of 4th most unequal of the developed countries to most unequal of all nations on earth!
BBC in Scotlandshire : Holyrood officials reject plea for a Holyrood cat
Wings over Scotland : Always Crashing in a Different Car [Curran on Welfare]
Scottish Sun : The Mouses of Parliament - Holyrood hit by plague of rodents
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