By Prinn Tshit, Our Media Correspondent

OFCOM was a hive of inactivity when Lord George Ffoulkes demanded that STV's new political comedy film series, "Road to Referendum" star someone absolutely fair, balanced and impartial (like himself), someone with a reputation for honest dealing and sobriety (like himself) and not, under any circumstances by a journalist with known sympathies towards the separatist heresy.

Based on the famous "Road to .." movies starring Bob Hope and Bing Crosby both trying to get into Dorothy Lamour's pants, "Road to Referendum" will hopefully bring some classic humour to the dull and humourless separatist referendum debate.

Ffoulkes frothed, "I think STV dealt with my complaint in a cavalier manner.

"They donned lace embroidered 17th century clothes, wore long wigs, said I was a Cromwellian Roundhead and demanded to know when I had last seen my father. I know there's been a bit of a glorification of the English monarchy on TV recently, but this was going too far!"

Lord Ffoulkes also said Ofcom did not look into his complaint. However, Ofcom said that, when they received the complaint, they just assumed that it was from some drunken trouble-maker. When told that the complaint came from Lord Ffoulkes, a spokesperson said, "Ah, so we were right all along then."

Ingenue, Ian McWhirter who is the star of the film said, "It's sad when ageing has-beens like Ffoulkes can't accept that they have had their day. Like many former Hollywood Holyrood stars, the drink gets to them in the end, and they become (or in Ffoulkes case, always was) a bumbling incoherent ham.

"If he wants to smear my ability to provide a sensitive and caring performance, while demonstrating that I can get into anyone's pants, though not his, then I'll see him in court - preferably the Squash court at the Scotstoun Leisure Centre, where his Lardship will confirm his status as a loser."

The confrontational McWhirter even tweeted, "Infuriate Lord George Foulkes. Watch first part of Road to Referendum tonight on STV at 8."

Fortunately, someone saw sense, and STV disappeared off Freesat at 6.15 pm and Unionists were hopeful that no one would be able to see McWhirter strut his stuff. Alas, the film was shown with all of it's silly concentration on how Scotlandshire and its politics changed in the 1970s. McWhirter demonstrated his allegiance to Dictator Eck by appearing without a tie!

He had already written in his book that Salmond disdains wearing suits and that he once refused to wear a tie at work. The damaging claims were seized on by unionists who insist it’s “the end of the road” for the First Minister.

Road To Referendum, published this week, deals Salmond a devastating blow by detailing his provincial disregard for proper Westminster attire..

MacWhirter said: “When working as an oil economist after leaving university, first with the Government and then RBS, Salmond was invariably described as a 'scruff' and censured for not wearing a tie.

“He’s been one of the most minutely scrutinised politicians in Britain, with unionists desperate to find confirmation of his perfidy.”

Alistair Darling, U-KOK head, said: “This confirms his perfidy. Digging into the life of the Nats is more important than searching for the positive case for the union, because everybody already knows that perfidy well.”

Other awful facts in the book claim that the First Minister doesn’t write novels, and can’t speak any other languages.

Darling remarked: “Even I can speak two languages: Labour English for my speeches in England, and Tory English for my speeches in Scotlandshire.”

---

Related Articles

Herald : TV show in referendum row

Herald : Opponents are accused of looking down their noses at Alex Salmond

Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

Comments or no comments, it's still OUR job to tell YOU what to think - NOT the other way around.