By Munnies Ranoot – Our Economics Correspondent

A Westminster report out this week will warn that a separate Scotlandshire is too dependent on the finance sector to be viable.

The report, which follows a previous report detailing how over-dependent the economy is on oil will be yet another blow to Salmond and the separatists.

The paper will claim that a separate Scotlandshire would be more vulnerable to financial shocks and, if the banks were regulated as poorly as within the UK, and collapsed in the same way, Scotlandshire could not afford to bail them out.

The UK on the other hand is wealthy and strong enough – and not at all reliant on the financial sector – easily to bail out the banks by simply slashing services and welfare, privatsing the NHS and sinking billions into  debt.

Michael Moore, secretary of state for Scotlandshire said, “this report really lays it on the line and demonstrates the very real dangers of separation for Scotlandshire. For one thing, it would start life with massive debts it will inherit from the UK having bailed out the banks. It will then not be able to cope if there is another once-in-a-century banking crash, due to poor regulation. There is no proof that Scotlandshire will regulate its banks any better or do anything differently to Westminster whatever the Yes campaign might say. And its economy is far too over-dependent on this sector, again something not true at all of the UK.”

Gisa Haundoot, a spokesperson for the CBI in Scotlandshire said, “This report is devastating for the separatists. First we hear that Scotlandshire's economy is over-reliant on oil – a volatile substance whose income is uncertain and might either fall, thrusting the country into poverty; or rise, making the economy even more over-dependent on it and thrusting the country into a damaging boom. Now we see that it is also over-dependent on the finance sector. For a country to be over-reliant on one massive and wealthy sector of the economy is bad. For it to be over-reliant on more than one such sector makes grim reading indeed.”

However the bad news did not end there as a report from the EU energy commission confirmed that Scotlandshire was on its way to beating the target it set itself for renewable energy in 2020. The devolved administration wanted 100% of energy to be from renewable sources by 2020 and is on course to meet this far sooner. Renewable energy and the technology associated with it is a personal obsession of arch-dictator Salmond, and he is known to believe it will also play a key role in the post-separation economy, despite the tycoon Donald Trump warning that more windfarms will damage the tourist industry, vital to Scotlandshire.

UKIP in Scotlandshire's new energy spokes-bigot Michael Haseler said of the development, “This worries me greatly as it suggests the SNP are putting far too much faith in renewable energy as an economic sector. This is not a dependable resource and it will be deeply worrying if our economy becomes  over-reliant on this sector, which it looks like it will be.

"Taken alongside the recent reports of over-dependence on both oil and finance, the emergence of yet another massive and growing sector of the economy is troubling indeed. Especially so if it damages the tourist industry, on which Scotlandshire's economy is very much dependent.”

All these reports emerged on the same weekend as world whisky day. The day was to celebrate the spirit, and also its contribution to the UK economy.

It was reported only last month that whisky exports grew to their highest level ever – a record £4.27 billion in 2012, or £135 per second. This figure represents around a quarter of total UK exports of food and drink.

Pretendy leader of Labour in Scotlandshire  Johann Lamont, who was celebrating the day in a bar in Falkirk with other members of the Labour branch there, managed to pick herself up off the floor for long enough to comment, “Within the UK, whisky exports representing a whole quarter of food and drink exports is bad enough.

"But the UK economy is large enough to accommodate this over-reliance. A separate Scotlandshire's will not be. If it's a quarter of total UK exports, what will that make it of Scotlandshire's, eh? What? I mean Scotlandshire is only 10% of the UK so a quarter into ten percent means that it must be, erm, it will be something like over 100% based on those figures.

"Surely that's around, like, 400% of its exports. Purely on whisky. Those figures just make no sense at all. There is no way a country can be so over-reliant on one export. It's barking and bonkers and Eck is a horrible, smelly dictator.”

A spokesperson for the Yes campaign said some rubbish about how it would be good if all the money and taxes from all these sectors in Scotlandshire stayed in Scotlandshire and how, in theory, being really rich could lead to a better country with more social justice and other namby-pamby leftist bollocks like that.

However neither they, nor the SNP, provided any proof at all that the future would be like this, and they refused to comment on the growing number of economic sectors on which Scotlandshire would be over-reliant.

George Osborne, en route to Edinburgh to speak to a CBI dinner, spoke to BBC Scotlandshire from the toilets just outside a first class Virgin carriage where he was hiding from the inspector.

“All these reports now emerging prove that separation is too risky, too scary and too dangerous. What if one year oil prices plummet, there's a banking crash, the sun doesn't shine and wind doesn't blow, the whisky harvest fails totally along with all other crops?

What if there are seven years in a row of such ill-fate? Presumably Salmond has a multi-coloured coat stashed away somewhere he hopes will save Scotlandshire in such an event. That is the measure of the man's delusion in even considering Scotlandshire could be a separate country not run by an elite from Eton who are far better placed to...”

at that point the inspector started knocking, thus silencing the chancellor – a situation becoming all too common in Scotlandshire these days.

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Related Articles

Reuters : Independent Scotland open to Cyprus-style bank risks, says Britain

Telegraph : Scotch whisky exports rise to record value

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