By Dinnae Sayaye, Our Referendum Correspondent

Separatist commander, Nicola Sturgeon, screamed in horror when the Electoral Commission produced their devastating criticism of her plans to trick Scotlandshire into voting to destroy the wonders of Britishdom.

Forced by a Better Together campaign, to accept the instructions of the Electoral Commission regardless of what that was, Sturgeon made a tactical retreat, quoting what she had actually said.

She tediously said yet again, "I've also made clear, and will do so again, there would have to be a very good reason to depart from Electoral Commission recommendations, and any government so doing would have to explain its position to this Parliament"

In a grovelling admission that dictator Salmond had got everything wrong, Sturgeon said "I can confirm that the Scottish Government will accept all the Electoral Commission's recommendations."

Previously, Patricia Ferguson (Unionist MSP, Maryhill & Springburn) had attacked the Government, claiming that all the Unionist parties had said that they would accept EC recommendations because "we think this place is a dictatorship, and it's clearly much better to have decisions made by an unelected body, rather than by politicians who had been voted for by actual people, when those people hadn't voted Unionist.

"If the Electoral Commission recommend that the decision be taken while all MSPs were stark naked, then we would accept that and immediately strip to the buff."

Wee Willie Rennie, a former leader of a former party lobbed a grenade into the debate, "I'm no that Liberal!", he exclaimed. "Though I am reluctant to expose the inadequacy of my membership, I would be prepared to do so, if that would promote the ending of democracy. However, the prospect of Alex Salmond and Jackie Baillie appearing starkers would threaten civilization as we know it. Bit whit can ye dae, eh?"

Ms Sturgeon retreated briefly, but counter-attacked, "The cross-party Ladies Toilet Arrangements Committee has already agreed a change to Standing Orders that would require Humza Yousaf to appear in Parliament in no more than a posing pouch. There may be other, if few, opportunities for similar agreements."

Regrettably (for some) the Commission made no such suggestion. 

However, in a bombshell announcement today, the Commission declared it's allegiance to the Union by changing the SNPs preferred question from "Do you agree that Scotland should be an independent country Yes/No" to "Should Scotland be an independent country Yes/No".

This massive change was hailed as a major victory by No Campaign leader, Alastair Darling. "We have been pretty poor so far", he said, "but this is a dramatic victory for us against the Natz.

"While we regret the EC recommendation that the Yes campaign and parties will be allowed to spend £63,000 more than our side, the decision to allow non-party organisations to spend £150,000 each gives us the real advantage. Our Conservative partners have assured us that there is plenty of English gold to buy Scotlandshire again - though Gordon had sold it all to Ramsden's, before I got the job

"Of course, as our highly respected Prime Minister noted at PMQs, the UK has no intention at all of agreeing to the EC recommendation that we should 'inform people what will happen if most voters vote No'.

"They can shove that recommendation up their commission!"

John McCormick, Electoral Commissioner for Scotlandshire expressed his pleasure at submitting both the report and a bill of £130,000 to the Scottish Government. "Proposing minor changes doesn't come cheap!", he said.

Unveiling the No campaign's new positivity website, their humour co-ordinator Rob Shortarse said, "I hope that there is room for humour to creep in every now and then.

We were disappointed to note that the Electoral Commission has not advised that there be equal amounts of humour allowed for both campaigns. That allows the separatists a huge, and unfair advantage.

"Our strategic Better Indebted Together Committee (Humour) took months just to come up with the banner on the website, because Johann Lamont kept objecting to every proposal. BITCH simply doesn't work. The wee No button that runs about when you try to click it is a belter, though! That was based on Johann's talent for running round pointlessly, trying to dodge questions."

Eduardo Naespagna, Scotland reporter for Catalan newspaper, El Periodico said he was puzzled by the Unionist responses. "Surely it's obvious that Salmond has played them for suckers? The only reason for putting 'Do you agree?' into the question was so that it could be taken out. Since it was also clear that your Electoral Commission would recommend funding on the basis of the 2011 election, the original finance suggestions by the Scottish Government were clearly a ploy. The bonus for the Yes campaign is the recommendation that the UK Government has to engage in talks with Scotland. That's game and set to the SNP - victory in 2014!"

Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Scottish Affairs Committee for Superior Westminster Elite Attacking The Yesser Gang Until Stupid Scots Evolve Into Teuchter Serfs declared, "Ma china, Davie Cameron hud it richt at PMQs the day. Whun yon nyaff Angus Robertson speired if the real Government wid dae whit the EC said, Cammie said naw, then telt him 'Will you f*** off?' That's ma boy, Davie".

Related Articles

BBC in Scotland : Scottish independence: Electoral Commission calls for question change

Hootsman : SNP to change independence referendum question

TorygTelegraph : A classic biased question: 'Should Scotland be an independent country?'

Daily Record : Scottish independence: Election watchdog brand Alex Salmond's preferred referendum question as 'unfair' and 'leading'

Herald : Sturgeon: Holyrood has final say on referendum question

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