EC spokesman describes Hootsmon as “Keich”

By Berther de Gither, our Brussels Correspondent

barrosoIn a bitter blow to the Better Whining Campaign, the European Commission has denied that any letter has been sent to the House of Lords Committee on Rubbishing Scottish Independence.

Spoof site BBC Scotland had buried the initial response from a spokesman for President Jose Manuel Barroso in their report.

"President Barroso has been invited to contribute to the House of Lords inquiry on the implications of the economic implications for the United Kingdom of Scottish independence. The president has not yet replied.

"The commission position is well known and set out in the series of responses given to European parliamentary questions. The commission has been very clear that we do not comment on specific situations, but can only give a view in general."

However, separatist cybernat reporters at Newsnet Scotland pushed the boundaries of decency by indulging in the archaic practice known as "journalism".

hootsmonThis redundant activity includes the "journalist" doing more than just reproducing press releases from favoured sources. Apparently their "journalist" had the temerity to ask the Commission for further details about the Hootsmon story.

While BBC Scotlandshire deprecates this practice, it appears that it actually produced additional information that was unavailable to normal media outlets.

Newsnet Scotland reports that the EC spokesman went further and added: "So to be clear – no reply has been decided or sent by the President yet so the Scotsman story is incorrect."

In a new departure for BBC Scotlandshire, I copied the Newsnet approach, and phoned the EC Press Office. Amazingly, they were willing to provide further elucidation.

"The Hootsman story was just recycled shite from George Foulkes", explained the spokesman. "Indeed it was shite on such a massive scale that it deserves the ultimate EU accolade of being thus described in all EU languages.

"Not only was it shite, it was also caca, cachi, drek, dritt, gomna, govno, govno, govno, govno, gówno, hamno, harra, hovno, hovno, kac'h, kak, kak, lort, lort, medda, mèlda, merda, merda, merda, merda, merda, merde, mierda, mut, paska, schäiss, Scheisse, sitt, skata, skit, skítur, skyt, sudas, suds, and szar.

"We look forward to the time when "keich" is officially included in that EU list."

fcoIndeed, some weeks ago, as an experiment in "journalism", I sent a Freedom of Information request to the Foreign & Commonwealth Office and received the following reply, which interestingly shows that FCO officials have been regularly briefing other EU countries against Scottish Independence.

This, it turns out, is simply a normal part of the function of the FCO which, having spent most of its existence trying to keep the Empire together, has now naturally extended this work to encompass Scotland.

Ian Davidson MP, chairchoob of the Scottish Affairs Committee for Labour Yesmen, Idiots & Neds, Giving Conservative Unionists Negative Tips on Scotlandshire, excreted,

" Ah'm a shitebag masel, an expect abody else tae be the same. Aw yur seein there wi thon FCO is yer petro-dollars at wurk.

"As fur the wee story in the Hootsmon, we make up wan like that every month or two, an oor pals in the papers print it wi nae fuss. Dae that oaften enuff, an the voters ull stert tae fa' fur aw sorts ay kiech!"

Ruth-Joanne Davimont, leader of the ToLie faction in the Scotlandshire Assembly made two identical responses from both of her faces – but neither was comprehensible.

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