Blow for splittists as No voters flood north

The National Records of Scotland have revealed the success of a U-KOK campaign for patriotic Brits to flood north to vote No! against splittism.

"For the tenth consecutive year more people arrived in Scotland from the rest of the UK and overseas than left to go in the opposite direction. However, for the first time in nine years net migration from the rest of the UK was larger than that from overseas", said a spokescounter.

They reveal that between 2012 and 2013 47,700 people moved to Scotland from England and its associated provinces while 39,800 people left Scotland to live in rUK.

"That's a net gain of 7,900,000 No voters", chuckled Blare McDonut, director of cunning plans at U-KOK, while fiddling with his abacus. "No one can take my job away now."

Asked why this rise ijn Sassenach numbers had coincided witha fall in the No lead, McDonut explained that not all of the newcomers had broadband to respond to online polls - or doors for face-to-face pollsters to knock on.

"But all 15 million of them will be sending in their postal votes for the referendum. I know that, because I'll be posting them all myself."