BBC Scotlandshire DG, Kenny McQuarrell launched an incandescent attack on the CBI tonight.

"I only agreed to fund the CBI because they came out of the closet, and registered that they were active Tories in favour of keeping Scotlandshire under Tory banker rule from Tory Westminster", he screamed. Such a stance does not conflict with our Charter commitment to be British and Corporate.

"Not only did those BBC London bastirts not tell me (or anyone else) that they were CBI members already, but those CBI London bastirts couldn't run a piss-up in a distillery, much less a brewery.

"Now, they're trying to deregister as Empire supporters in 2014, because they've realised that totally fuc*s them for the 2016 referendum to send all these European bastirts home.

"I've demanded that we be allowed to deregister from the CBI, and get my cash back immediately."

A CBI spokesintern said, "We don't divulge who are members are or even if we have any. However, the CBI (Renumeration of Top Tossers Expecting Nobility) committee, which oversees the membership, said it was too early to say whether McQuarrel's application to deregister would be successful."