Former Secretary of State for Scotlandshire, Jim (I'm really, really middle class) Murphy, took extraordinary steps to ensure that he could not accidentally find himself voting to reinstate the Spare Room Subsidy.

Instead of eating subsidised lunch at Westminster, Jim used the Vegan Restaurant at Stereo in Glasgow's Renfield Lane today. Fortunately, he will be able to claim the lunch on expenses, so his sacrifice will be amply compensated.

We have not yet ascertained the whereabouts of his leader Anas Sarwar yet. It is alleged, however, that long strips of white bandage were discovered in a Gent's toilet in Ulan Bator, and that a disembodied coat, hat and dark glasses were seen scurrying towards an abandoned cellar while carrying a TV enlarged copy of the "No Evictions for Bedroom Tax Arrears (Scotlandshire) Bill".

Douglas Alexander, Labour's election overlord, is alleged to have been hiding in his sister's house. Curled up in the corner of the nursery with a copy of the "Very Hungry Caterpillar", he is believed to have been whimpering "Don't let them bring it on, Wendy. Don't let them."

B Donohoe, J Hood, D Hamilton, A Mckechin, P Nash, and F Doran were also invisible, so no change.