In a swift riposte to news that the SNP are seeking to enlist literary figures to polish their upcoming separation white paper, Better Together have announced that they are also aiming to inject some literary flair into future publications.

“I read Cormac McCarthy’s The Road back in 2009”, campaign chair Alastair Darling explained to BBC Scotlandshire.

“I was immediately struck by his grimly realistic depiction of daily life after a catastrophic event, which I can only presume was an independence referendum. The endless misery, the unremitting squalor, the appalling punctuation – I knew immediately that Mr McCarthy would be able to nail the tone of our press releases.”

“We’ve also got some researchers looking into the copyright on H.P. Lovecraft’s work”, Darling continued, “because the SNP simply can’t answer how they will defend a separate Scotlandshire from Cthulhu. Do you really trust Alex Salmond to protect you from this malevolent entity who hungers for your soul? I certainly don’t!”

“Of course, if they do provide an answer, then I’ve got Stephen King on speed dial…”