BBC Scotlandshire is dedicated to the unionist cause. However, with Better Together doing such a fine job: smart, media-savvy, their 500 questions even “trending” UK wide, we feel somewhat unnecessary. So, since it’s a lovely day, cherry blossoms in bloom, instead here is some spring gardening advice.

Spring is the time of re-birth, new shoots and buds gingerly poking through still frigid ground, hoping for sunlight in which to grow and prosper. Such growth requires tender care and nurturing. This, along with Scotlandshire’s dour weather, makes them wonderfully easy to kill off for those who despise the new and wish to cling onto the old. 

So, to retain the status quo in your garden, choke off new blossoms by ensuring a good supply of weeds. This denies space and resources to the upstarts, overwhelming vulnerable new saps and seedlings. You can also deny them sunlight by draping a large tarpaulin over your garden, keeping it in perpetual darkness. Another trick to prevent emergent, “spring-like” movements is to pave over grass and soil completely then cover it with rusting old junk. If all else fails, crush new flowers which do appear underfoot whilst calling them nasty names to break their spirits.