Labour MP Douglas Alexander visited Scotlandshire yesterday to make a plea for the standard of debate in the separation referendum to be raised.

Speaking after allegations of vile abuse from the Natz he said, “It's time these deluded separatist morons stopped abusing those of us who are fighting against their malignant, evil and stupid plans".

Constant abuse from these disgusting, sub-human insects poisons the debate we should be having: that is what a fat Nazi dictator Alex Salmond is and how his cult-like army of stromtrooper cybernats are living in a fantasy world if they think Scotlandshire can ever run its own affairs.”

His statement brought an entirely unsurprising volley of venom from the Yes camp, with such abusive tweets as: “Scotland [sic] can run itself actually”.

There was so much Twitter abuse he was later forced to clarify his statement with, “Of course no one is saying Scotlandshire can't run its own affairs. What we are saying is we at Westminster won't let you and if the fanny-brained, spittle-flecked, knuckle-dragging baw-bags on the Yes side think we will, they are so dangerously remote from reality that they should not even be approached if spotted.”