Johann Lamont Shock – will lose her deposit in 2015

In our latest poll of 505 readers conducted 25-30 April, only 0.6% thought Johann was a credible candidate for MSP in Pollok, compared with 48% who voted for her in 2011.

While 3% thought she could be Sarwar’s boss, that depended on the job that Sarwar was thought fit for. Delicacy prevents us reporting what those jobs were.

12% wanted her moved off planet, to become Supreme Leader of the Galaxy. However, the Galactic Council said, “Lots of species tried that trick. Try that and your planet will be obliterated, but feel free to submit a nomination.”

13% thought she had the interpersonal skills for an ATOS Employability Adviser, while 22% felt that being Magrit Curran’s baglady was suitable. While both these jobs require the same skill set, the combined numbers were massively outnumbered by the 50% who thought she was fit for none of these posts.

Many imaginative suggestions were made for suitable career choices. The most bizarre suggestion coming from an anonymous MSP, Ken McIntosh. While it’s both mentally and physically impossible for Johann to do all those things simultaneously, we applaud the power of Ken’s mind to come up with the concept. Psychiatric help remains free in Scotlandshire, and Ken should take rapid advantage of this facility.