A dissident group of Tories from Scotlandshire have been roundly condemned for mounting a political protest in London against the destruction of their cause by English Tories, when they should have been paying homage to Mrs Philomena McClumpherty.

Edinburgh Council Tory leader White Rose,  Conservatives chair Mark Time and Tory activists "Mr & Mrs Smith"  travelled overnight by privatised train, before trying to find a spot to view proceedings along the three-mile route that the heavily guarded coffin will travel in an attempt to avoid protestors.

"That bitch* completely destroyed right wing extremism in Scotlandshire", said Rose, "so we felt it right to state that publicly to the f**king English".

Unfortunately, the protesters failed to realise that the route was crowded by ordinary hard-working English families whose only regret was that they had ever heard of Scotlandshire.

Locals in Tower Hamlets looked on in bemusement, as the Scots unfurled their Scotland on Sunday provided flags in the Tesco Express on Burdett Road.

* We believe "that bitch" to be a reference to one of America's poodles who is getting a ceremonial burial down there. See the English and dugs!