By Nat Butcher, our Political Correspondent

The SNP has undertaken a cowardly attack on an individual who submitted a series of quite reasonable requests for Scottish Government secret information.

The Seperatist administration accused the brave but anonymous victim of wasting public funds after making a mere 85 Freedom of Information (FoI) requests, at a cost of just £23,000.

Opposition parties say this was no better than a cynical attempt to divert attention from those splittist ministers who spent massive sums of hard-earned taxpayer's cash to protect information they did not even have.

Labour's shadowy minister for mendacity, Jackie Baillie, insinuated:

"There could be whole categories of information which the government doesn't have, or which have never existed, like the positive case for the union. No - maybe not that exactly. But other stuff. And we will spend as much time and money as it takes until we uncover every bit of it.

"For example, a recent request uncovered the fact that the Scottish government doesn't have a contingency plan for a zombie invasion, even though we know that their plans for the complete sundermentation of the UK would make this much more likely to occur.

"Another example came to light when Johann complained at FMQ about a rape victim who had been cross examined by her attacker in a Scottish court. She waved the paper about and repeated it four times, as her job requires, but was met with a sundering silence from the separationalist ministers.

"It turned out that the government had never heard of the case, and that they held no information on it whatsoever.. If we hadn't been told by the Evening Times that they had just made it all up, we would have needed yet another dozen FoI requests just to find that out.

"They even took us to court to stop us getting one bit of information they didn't have. That's what we are up against."

Jamie Hepburn MSP, a spokesliar for the SNP told us:

"That's just ridiculous. Jackie's a total eejit, who eats live kittens! We were going to court to protect the principle of confidentiality of ministerial advice, not to cover up information we didn't even have. But, once that lot get an idea in their heads..."

Last Man Standing of the now defunct SLD, oor Wullie Rennie, said:

"Big Eck is just a big fat liar. Pure and simple. He wouldn't know the truth is he found it in a vindaloo. And Jamie Hepburn's just a wee boy. But, hey, whit can you do, eh? Tickets please."

Labour's Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Scottish Affairrs committee on Fighting Independence, Double Dealing, Lying and Even Renaming it Separation said:

"Dinnae talk tae me about f---ing liars, son. Ah've goat ma expenses tae dae this week, so me an reality willnae be seein' each other fur a day or two, if youse know whit ah mean."

Titular head of Labour's Scotlandshire branch office Johann Lamont was unavailable for comment as her script was late again.

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