By Kent Yirfaither, Our Family Feud Correspondent

Retired Moray Depute Rector and SNP strategic genius, Jeff "Daddy" Dawgdale, was forced to admit that he had been outed as the real father of SLAB's attack dawg in the Scotch Parliament.

“Ok I'll come clean. I have been outed ! It's not the first time my Lab daughter has embarrassed me", he shamefacedly admitted on Twitter.

Recalling her teenage years, Dawgdale said: "I told her that the boy who took her flower would die horribly. Later, she said I had lied, but I explained that I just hadn't found him yet."

In a further revelation Ms Dawgdale said that Mr Dawgdale had voted Tory in his youth.

SLAB hearththrob, Hunky Bothersall, immediately leapt to the attack.

"This is an astonishing confirmation that the Natz are, in fact, Tartan Tories if former Tory voters have joined them. It also means that all the former Lib Dem and SLAB voters who have joined them were all secret Tories as well!

"Indeed, according to the recent Opinium poll, 59% of the Scotch are Tories, wrapped in tartan shawls, painted in blue woad and screaming 'FREEDOM FOR THE CAPITALIST RULING ELITE!'

"To save the Scotch from themselves, we must concentrate power in London where, regardless of who is in power, the hard working tribunes of the people - slaving away in their hedge funds and LIBOR markets - will be protected."

The Nat candidate, desperately trying to remove rammy queen, Magrit Curran from Glasgow East, Natalie McGarry snorted: "I wouldn't let a Tory anywhere near my vital interests!"

Councillor David Meikle agreed, explaining sadly that that had been the case since he forgot about Valentines Day.

In nearby Aberdeen [Ed : Where on God's earth can Aberdeen be nearby to?], during a break in the hearing into their breach of the Councillor's Code of Conduct, SLAB supremos Willie Young and Barney Crockett were overheard discussing the revelations.

"Wid ye luik at 'at photie, Wullie? We shid hiv kent he was a Tory. Wi 'at baldie heid, he's jist like Swinney or IDS!"

"Bit fit aboot yir ain baldie heid, Barney?"

"Weel, Ah'd eneugh hair till we jined up wi the Tories in the Cooncil. Bit fin Trumpie boy comes ower tae Menie, he's gain tae gie me a shottie o' his toupee."

There were signs, however, of an imminent bid by Deputy Dawgdale to create a rift between herself and her nominal boss, "Creepy" Jim Morphy.

In an exclusive interview with the entire world Ms Dawgdale revealed that "I do swear. At myself, though, not at others."

Political expert David Torrents contrasted this with Murphy approaching Natz MP Pete Wishart in Parliament and telling him to: “fu*k off, fu*k off, fu*k off”.

Torrents continued: "When Creepy loses his seat in May, he also loses the leadership, so Deputy will become the full Sheriff in charge of the rump posse of SLAB MSPs. More importantly, she says that she and Daddy share a political vision - "we’re both motivated by the same thing – a firm belief in doing the best thing for Scotlandshire."

"That suggests that, as leader, she will join with the SNP in the drive for an independent Tory Scotlandshire, as everyone will then be a Tory."

"I am neutral in this matter, as I am already a Tory, and have part of a Trump toupee to prove it."

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Edinburgh Evening News : Kezia Dugdale: My dad is SNP member

Daily Retard : Kezia Dugdale: It's not first time my Nationalist dad has embarrassed me

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