This Month in North British History – The Unbiased Story

By Lickspittle Gallagher (BA Cantab – failed)

 

colombo1 December 1787 The first modern lighthouse in Scotland was lit at Fraserburgh.

While a beacon in its day, it has now become a museum – an appropriate symbol for Buchan which will also rapidly become a thing of the past, if former MP Alex Salmond has his way. The current MP has rightly been promised a “richt doin”.

 

6 December 1745 Prince Charles Edward Stewart and the Jacobite Army began their retreat from Derby.

The Jacobite defeat eventually allowed Lowland Scots, with English support, to extirpate Gaelic society. Scots are a tribal people, which is why they can’t be trusted to run their own affairs.

 

8 December 1542 Birth of Mary, Queen of Scots.

She was an unsuccessful monarch – probably because she spoke French. Obviously, only English speakers have the intelligence to govern, and that excludes teuchters like Angus MacNeil MP.


13 December 1911 Death of Thomas Glover from Fraserburgh.

Considered a national hero in Japan, he played a major role in dragging the country into the modern world, bringing the first steam train to Japan, and creating the huge shipyard in Nagasaki which would eventually form the bedrock of the giant Mitsubishi Corporation. This proves that Scots can do well – as long as they leave their tiresome little country.

 

SCOTLAND UNION16 December 1653 Cromwell became Lord Protector of England, Scotland and Ireland.

Cromwell was the only invader of Scotland to conquer the whole country, until St Tony Blair did it as New Labour. Sadly, Blair had no colonies left to replicate Cromwell’s action in transporting thousands of Scots as slaves to English colonies.

 

21 December 1988 Lockerbie Disaster.

Fortunately, a passing CIA agent happened across the timing mechanism which allowed Libya to be blamed for the atrocity.

 

22 December 1820 Leaders of the Scottish Insurrection deported.

Quite right too! They dared to suggest that the poor were being held down by Westminster Government and that Scotland should be independent.

 

25 December 1950 Stone removed from Westminster Abbey.

Deranged Nationalists steal drain cover, under the impression that Edward I had actually got hold of the Wee Magic Stane.

 

28 December 1879 Tay Bridge Disaster.

90 lives were lost, due to incompetent construction. This bodes ill for the Fourth Forth Crossing, since it has been commissioned by an SNP Governemnt!

 

tay29 December 1766 Birth of Charles Macintosh, the inventor of waterproof clothing, in Glasgow.

Had he been born in sunny Kent, the plastic mac would have remained undiscovered.

 

30 December 1899 Rangers' first match at their new Ibrox stadium.

Glorious victory for the Gers!

 

31 December 1954 Alex Salmond born.

Evil fairy casts a spell on him to turn him into the destroyer of the Union.

 

Dates on which nothing of any importance to civilised South Britons are omitted. All errors are wholly intentional.


Related Articles


Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

Comments or no comments, it's still OUR job to tell YOU what to think - NOT the other way around.

 
Our Other Biased Articles

complaint

What is all this Rubbish?

Click HERE to find out.