What the frack is wrong with Westminster's new Infrastructure bill?

By Rt Hon Duryer Hoose MP, our Naked Plunder Correspondent

gas-waterI would like to thank the BBC for allowing me this opportunity to speak with you about the Government's new infrastructure bill which will receive its second reading in the house of Commons on Monday.

As the minister responsible for ensuring the bill is passed without change, I have been given this chance to respond to a number of unjustifiable criticisms which have been levelled primarily by environmentalists and other such undesirable and unwashed swampies.

Much has been made of the new powers included in the bill which will allow for the unbridled extraction of explosive gases from under the very ground where you live. Anyone with a license will have carte blanche to inject noxious chemicals into the ground, breaking up the rocks to release the gases, or even set the coal seams under your home alight.

Let me tell you, however, that hundreds of my honourable friends in both houses have huge holdings in the very companies which are being awarded the licenses to extract this gas. As members of parliament and peers of the realm, they are among the most trusted members of society, and will ensure that all extraction of non-sensible gases is carried out in the safest possible manner.

In addition, those Lords and MPs will make it their business to ensure that the gas is extracted as quickly as possible, benefiting the whole economy of these sceptred isles. After all, they are desperate to get their hands on all that fracking moolah.

As for the consumer, he or she has become accustomed over recent years to paying joint energy tariffs, such as combined gas and electricity. We expect that most householders will become equally content with a contract for the delivery of combined gas and water.

Imagine the time saved making a pot of tea when when, instead of the inconvenience of having to boil a kettle, you can benefit from unlimited hot water by simply lighting the tap.

Finally, to illustrate the many benefits non-sane gas extraction can bring to all of us, please watch this short video presentation made by some of my very good friends from Scotlandshire.


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