By Tail Teller, Our Tory Children's Correspondent

Most days, Daddy Cameron goes to the office.

When he comes home, he brings jam for Peter and Jane.

Peter and Jane live in a big house.

Mummy looks after them.

Mummy does no work.

Mummy likes gin.

Mummy likes lots of gin.

Daddy brings Mummy more gin.

Daddy gets the gin from a place he calls Scotlandshire.

Daddy says that he owns Scotlandshire and does not have to pay for the gin.

Mummy is happy.

Peter and Jane are happy.

The people in Scotlandshire are not happy.

"Fuck them", says Mummy.

Mummy likes to water down her gin, sometimes.

Mummy says the water in London is pish.

Mummy tells Daddy to bring her water from Scotlandshire.

Daddy says that he has let the Scots keep their own Water.

"Fuck them", says Mummy.

Daddy says he will go to Scotlandshire and ask them to let him take all their stuff.

"It will be all right", said Daddy. "Scots like to say Yes, when asked a question."

Daddy asks the Scots.

The Scots say "Fuck off".

Daddy cries.

Daddy has a clever plan.

He tells the Scots that they will get jam tomorrow.

It will be the jam from his own house.

He says that they can keep some of their own gin and water too.

There will be less gin for Mummy.

There will be no jam for Peter and Jane.

Mummy plans a special Tory party for Daddy when he gets home.

Peter and Jane get to play as well.

Daddy comes home for the last time.

Peter gets to play at being Prime Minister.

Jane gets to play at being the Leader of the Opposition.

They keep all the jam.

Scotlandshire keeps all the gin.

"Fuck it", says Mummy.

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