After the warm-up acts, it's the Niggle and Georgie show!

By MT Stalls, Our Showbusiness Correspondent

music hallIn a bold attempt to resurrect Music Hall in today's digital world, lead Westminster performers have experimented with various formats from the glory days of the early 20th century, in which they still live.

Their joint reprise of HG Wells' "The Inviible Man" bombed, so they agreed to try singing as a trio, with the bizarre notion of singing different and contradictory songs in different places to show they were Better Together.

Miliband reprised Pinkmonkey's smash hit "Stay with Us", as Cameron shed tears as he gulped his way through Aalliyah's "Heartbroken" and Clegg wept copiously as he sang Norman Wisdom's "Don't Laugh at Me Cause I'm a Fool".

However, this was but the (rather disappointing) warm-up act for the real stars of the No Show - The Niggle and Georgie Team (with the massed Flute Bands).

With the Yes Campaign on the march in the polls and on the streets, good news for the beleagured NoBloodyThanks! camp came as Home Counties darling Niggle Fartage saddled up to head North to sort Scotland out!

Excited Bitter Together supremos are looking to team up Fartage with self-styled darling of the left George Dumfries and Galloway in a team designed to sway the undecideds.

Jenny Noken, Communications Dictator at U-KOK’s Uxbridge nerve centre explains, "Our on the ground research tells us this is exactly what the voters need to help them decide and we are absolutely terribly definitely excited, engaged and on-boarded on this one. This is not about the cyber-nut or the chattering classes. This is about engaging with the common man, and his dear lady…what we like to call ‘the Jock on the Street’."

Douglas Alexander, widely acknowledged as the Brains of the Campaign added, "Yes exactly. Following on from our trememendously successful 'Woman Decides’ video, we see Niggle and Georgie very much as our donald trump card moving into the final weeks of the campaign - the men with the common touch…the Saint and Greavsie of the No campaign if you like’

Speaking from his Fuhrer bunker in Billericay (the appropriately named Billericay Tube station), Fartage spoke excitedly about the campaign "I know what my country wants" he told BBC Scotlandshire animatedly, "it wants to be free of foreigners, free of Europe and free of state-funded services - that’s what it wants! That’s good for the Beautiful South and good for North Britain too!"

George Dumfries and Galloway, speaking from his Brick Lane Penthouse said plenty as he sipped milk through a straw, but regrettably none of it was intelligible.

Star contortionist, Alistair Darling, had hoped to support the dynamic duo, but he is currently on "gardening leave" arranging the sale of whichever of his houses, has already maximised its potential value in taxpayer subsidies.


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