By Michael Gove, Our Education Correspondent

Betr Togehter cheef, Alastar Derlink, welcummed the AfN reserch thit shoeed Scotlundsheer peeple kneaded two bee thikker.

Derlink sed, "If scotts ar two brainey, thay'll git oll the god jobs in Lundun. That's not fare in our eekwal Brittan. As Gove dumms doun the Inglish eeven moar, the scott's budjet will huv tae be cut eeven moar feroashusly to eeven the plain feeld."

Lord Ffooks-sake, wyned as he whyned, "Hollyrude tossers! Not just nats but hour oan peeple hav bene spendin munny, lyke its therrs, two gett kids beter skweeled. And they dunned it D - E - L - I - B - E - R - A - I - T - E - L - Y."

Akademicks fur Naw, spoaksprof, Addamm Tommksss sed, "Natz infillttreated skum in the Offis for Nashional Statsiticks repotred that 'In terms of the proportion of the population going into higher and tertiary education, Scotland actually has just about the highest in the world'.

"Wel, weeve dun hour oan reserch into thees so-called bluddy weell-educaited Scotts, and thon stoary is a lode of pish. Amung the Akademicks fur Naw groop, we've amast a toatal of 16 O-Grades, 4 Skool Leevin Sertificates and a Tesko Clubb Coopon for £3. Of coarse Hue Penningtun (the braney won) got a C pass in A-Levil Hyumen Byoligy, but he's Inglish, so that dussnt count. In fact, few of us can count."

Ian Davidson, Chairchoob of the Tories With a Twist, sed "The debate will go on in the sense there is a large number of wounded still to be bayoneted." witch had fuk oll two doo with enything, butt hee had sean no poles as he wos two rapped up with his knew Poalish nursemade.

Nicola Sturgeon simply gave a broad grin as she commented on the report, "Better Together are cereal misleaders."

Related Articles

IndependAnt : Scotland the best educated country in Europe, claims ONS report

Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.