The Promise Extremists

By Revels Aldustbin, Communities and Slum Scum Correspondent

danny-alexanderRecent evidence would suggest a promise is not a promise when it is made by a political party or a politician. The general public is increasingly turned off from politics, with trust in politicians at an historic low in a recent YouGuff poll.

At the last Westminster General Election the Liberal Democrats made a number of manifesto pledges, the most notorious of which was the tuition fee pledge. Senior Liberal Democrat politician argue they have kept the worst tendencies of the Conservatives in check while delivering the best of their own manifesto.

Speaking to BBC Scotlandshire Willie Rennie, Leader of the now defunct Scottish Liberal Democrats said:

"It is those nasty Tories that won't let us deliver all our promises. It doesn't matter how much Nick tears up or talks about the children's future, those heartless Tory thugs won't budge on their Sheriff of Nottingham austerity drive."

"Even having Dannii Alexander fagging for George Osborne hasn't made much of a difference. I don't really understand how this Etonian tradition works, but surely Dannii would have been reshuffled off the government's deck if he wasn't keeping his fag-master truly happy."

"But hey, whit can you do, eh??"

Closer to home, BBC Scotlandshire has discovered a group of anarchist and extremists who've moved their moans and groans from the pub into a more sinister plan of action and democratic accountability. Community activists have been getting together in a clandestine plot to expose the shortcomings of the most perfect and honest council in the whole of Scotlandshire.

Lead anarchist Nick The-Jury revealed just how little he knew of the working of Glesgatoon politics when he rabidly told BBC Scotlandshire:

"One hundred manifesto pledges were made by The Labour Party in Glasgow in their false prospectus for re-election. Already six of those promises have been broken with many more looking totally unachievable. The people of Glasgow have been duped and it is now up to us normal citizens to hold the Labour Party to their promises."

"The Committee of 100 Promise Inspectors will work tirelessly to address these broken promises and to formulate a strategy to hold these politicians to account. We're planning a series of interviews with community organisers and project co-ordinators to reveal how the promises will affect real communities and people."

It was at this point Mr The-Jury desperately started to beg like a common street wine-o, the ones who say it is for a cup of tea but you just know it is to fund a Carlsberg Special Brew drinking session:

"But this won't be possible unless the people of Glasgow and other concerned citizens helping us to fund this project and join us in holding the Labour Party in Glasgow to account."

Cllr Gordon Mathieson, Leader of Glasgow City Council, quite rightly points out the people of Glesgatoon has always put their faith and trust in the Labour Party since time began, in fact the first Labour voters are believed to have been dinosaurs.

He told BBC Scotlandshire:

"The Labour run Glasgow City Council never makes manifesto promises we intend to keep. Goodness the electorate aren't stupid, they fully understand anything we say before an election is unlikely to be delivered once we're back in power."

"These so called community activists are nothing more than SNP place men looking to expose our lies and scheming to the plebs who've been conditioned to vote Labour over many generations. They should stop wasting everyone's time for no one will notice, nor indeed care, about their petty little separatist fetish flick or committee of 100 extremists. It's about time this band of SNP losers got with the programme."

dino"The Glasgow Labour dynasty will roll on regardless of what the plebs of Glasgow think! It is our birth right as Red Rosette Royalty."

The wee pretendy Scottish Government Separation Minister was asked her views on the allegations being levelled at the finest politicians in all of Scotlandshire. Nicola Sturgeon responded:

"I've tried to call Cllr Mathieson on a number of occasions to discuss this matter but the phone always seemed to click down before going to voicemail.

"The only correspondence I've received from him lately was a letter that mentioned I was no longer welcome in Glasgow for ANYTHING and that my permission to operate in Glasgow had been revoked. Interestingly the signature was done by his lady secretary.

"The envelope also contained a photo of Ian Davidson holding a big knife while standing over a severed horse's head in a bed. It must have been some kind of horse racing tip that I just couldn't fathom out. The First Eck has said he'll take a look for me. He does so enjoy his weekly punt on the nags!"

Not to be left out, BBC Scotlandshire contacted Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the committee to Remove Edinburgh Devolution by Manufacturing Acrimonious Fearmongering, Intimidation and Accusations , for his views on this topic:

"Whit the f**k? Huw ur guid Layburr politicans ment tae feather thur nests wi' aw this shite goin' oan?"

"Huw mutch huv these Bravehart terrorists akchully raised so fawr? Last time I checked it was a fu**ing tenner. Even that was probably the choob in charge puttin in sum dosh to kick aff thur separatist fundit campain ay intimidayshun against onist herd wurkin' Layburr cooncillurs."

"Ma cooncillur mates spend pure hunners ay time makin guid deals in smoke fillt rooms and save pure tuns ay dosh by donating loads awe emptay paddit broon envelopes tae the cooncil."

"A hunner promis inspecturs, aye that wull bee f**kin right! Send thum doon tae Guvan, specially the wummin, fur a hunner doins!"

Leader of Labour in Scotland Johann Lamont was unavailable for comment as her husband, the deputy leader of Glesgatoon cooncil, was heading to the bunker for his monthly conjugal visit. The rest of Glesgatoon are f**ked by his colleagues and him on a much more regular basis.

[ Editor warning: We recommend people avoid visiting the project's Sponsume page and particularly avoid giving any money to this obvious separatist extortion scam being operated by nationalist conmen and tricksters: http://www.sponsume.com/project/help-keep-glasgow-labour-honest-film ]


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