By Terry Istplant, Our Cybernatz and Secret Service reporter

Armed officers from Police Scotlandshire were put on high alert after a small amount of intelligence suggested crazed Cybernatz were about to mount a dirty protest against the national state broadcaster.

Staff at BBC Scotlandshire were told to work from home on Sunday until the splittist menace had been defused.

However these drastic measures turned out to be wholly unnecessary when only a handful of dishevelled keyboard Natz turned up to protest outside the Atlantic Quay headquarters of BBC Scotlandshire.

The behaviour of the three separatists was quickly rebuked by Jim "Spud" Murphy as nothing more than pure bully boy tactics that historically are the soul preserve of Labour Party activists and politicians. He responded: "Even Ian Davidson was frightened to tackle these psychopathic bullies who usually hide behind the keyboard. Ian made special mention of the crazy swivel-eyed stare of the female of the species who looked like she was in need of a right doin."

U-KOK heid bummer, Blair McDougall, was quick to damn these nasty vile creatures: "It's amazing the lengths that this small, so tiny they have to pretend their bigger, miniscule, non-popular, evil and abusive crowd... er I mean clique... go to to appear relevant. Take my word for it. Whatever you do DONT go online to see for yourself as you'll only end up being stalked by the lot of them... er, I mean all three of them...."

The Director General of BBC Scotlandshire, Kenny McQuarrel, promptly responded to the charge of the real broadcaster of Scotlandshire being partial to the glorious case to save the Empire from obliteration by the nationalist scum: "Bias? What bias? My staff know exactly what's required to see me sporting some ermine."

Meanwhile across on the opposite bank of the Clyde, in an amazing coincidence not seen since the accidental staging of both Armed Forces Day Stirling 2014 and Bannockburn Live on the same weekend in Stirling, the spoof BBC was filming scenes involving thousands of extras for their modern day remake of Braveheart.

The premiere episode of “Bawheid” is expected to be aired on the 19th of September to provide much needed comical relief to Dictator Eck and his Cybernatz minions after their total humiliating annihilation in the separatist referendum.

Sunday's filming attracted two VIPs (Very Important Pandas) when Tian Tian and Yang Guang arrived under police escort to visit the Pacific Quay set.

Tian Tian commented: "That's the best panda car ride me and the missus have every experienced."

A spokewoman for Police Scotlandshire confirmed two pandas and no Tories attended the event.

BBC Scotland is looking for thousands of members of the public to act as “Bawheid” extras for the next afternoon filming session to be held on the 27th July 2014 at the spoof broadcaster’s Pacific Quay headquarters. Those who turn up fully kitted out in arch splittist uniform, Yes attire and specially adapted satire Saltires will be registered in a special prize draw. An insider told us the first prize will be a tour of the studio where the Chairchoob verbally assaulted the splittist sympathiser Issy Fraser.

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The Herald: Pro-independence campaigners protest outside BBC studios

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