Blow to Salmond as another country attacks Scotlandshire Labour

By Toknice Karrybigstikk, Our Diplomatic Correspondent

deilaOnce again, the Labour Party in Scotlandshire has come under intense attack from a foreign state for "insensitive, insulting misrepresentation, and telling fuc*ing lies".

In 2008, East Renfrewshire MP, Jim Murphy, included oil rich Norway in his ‘arc of insolvency’ slur. The SLab MP’s comments provoked an angry response from Bjarne Lindstrøm the Norwegian Ambassador who sent a letter rebuking Mr Murphy, and warning him that his Celtic team would never be allowed to hire a Norwegian manager.

The Irish Foreign Minister offered Murphy a square go on RTE, but Murphy chickened out, while the Icelanders simply stoked up the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in response to Murphy calling them backward.

2011 saw Marijana Zivkovic, Charge d’Affaires at Montenegro’s British embassy, writing to Iain Gray expressing her “complete pissed-offness” at the then Labour leader’s comments, after Gray had said that the Montenegrins went through a bloodbath to get their independence.

2014 has been a bumper year as Thomas Docherty MP insulted the Panamanians by suggesting that their country was "politically unstable and has an economy dominated by foreign interest". Panama objected bitterly at being likened to the UK.

kim jung-eckMeanwhile, North Korea was becoming increasingly fretful after George Robertson claimed that the "forces of darkness would love it if Scotlandshire voted Yes".

A Pyongyang insider commented "Being a force of darkness is a compliment. Suggesting that we give a flying 씨발 about Scotlandshire is altogether different."

Anger boiled over, however, when Alastair Darling compared Alex Salmond to Kim Jong-il. The State Broadcasting Office of His Supreme Wonderfulness and Father to all the Korean peoples, Kim Jong-un contacted BBC Scotlandshire as its equivalent -

To the State Broadcasting Office of Her Supreme Wonderfulness and Mother to all the British peoples, Lizzie Winds-or

Please communicate our greetings to her Lizzieness. We saw on TV that she is much like our own Dear Leader. He is much impressed with her new coach, built at huge cost to carry her to your Supreme People's Assembly (composed of Supreme People like Ian Davids-on, Mags Curr-an and Lord George 씨발-es) despite the fact that her common people are begging for food from the banks just like ours.

He is much impressed by your copying of North Korean justice by holding secret trials of dissidents.

It has been brought to the attention of the Noble Leader that you have a dissident movement that, like the one that we are still at war with in the South, wishes to break up a glorious union of the proletariat. We are most concerned at the comparisons that have been made between his father, the Mighty Leader, and the tyrannical overlard your people refer to as “Dictator Eck”. It should be noted, however, that the Great Badger, Alistair Darl-ing, is wholly wrong in comparing Eck Salm-un to Kim Jung-il.

Kim Jung-il is dead (like so many of his family that got in the way). Salm-un appears to be in good health - which suggests that Her Lizzieness has not got the knack of ruling properly. However, People in North Korea are also feeling oppressed and terrorised today after our Dear Leader said he wasn't keen on having Sarah Smith as a presenter. There is much that unites our peoples.

The Great Sage of Korea wishes to make it known that he is in no way like the separatist-obsessed oppressor of the great peoples of Scotlandshire. Indeed we wish it to be known that, we are life-long supporters of Union. We currently seek to maintain the Union of the Korean peoples by any and all means at our disposal. Therefore we are nothing like the Bully Of Bute House, .

It is to this end that we will be asking your nominee, David Camer-on, if we may join Better Together. We have been advised by our contacts in the Serbian weapons sector that a Mr Ian Tayl-or may be able to help us arrange our donation of 1,979 million won (£1,707). We trust that this generous support from the Korean people will be enough to ensure the Jockish people maintain their proper place as subjected to the union.

Our leading scientists have also been made aware of the problem that Scotlandshire may face if persecutor of the people, Eck Salm-un, has his way and denies you access to your virility symbols. We are in a position to help. North Korea have some big weapons called the Taep'o-dong and our scientists tell us that our Dongs will help you keep things up and are good for making the earth move.

Indeed, since you and we are so keen on Union then, should you decline our fraternal offer of Union under the North Korean banner, then we may send you some of our Dongs as free samples - just as soon as you move within range.

Yours, very insistent on Union,

KBC Seoulshire

In response, Mr Darling said,"Fascist [inaudible mumble] bastirts are just [inaudible mumble] fuc*ing Nazis [inaudible mumble]. Salmond [inaudible mumble] [inaudible mumble] up yours!"

The New Statesman later issued a clarification on the insistence of Better Together saying that Mr Darling had not, and never would use the term "fuc*ing Nazis" and this was a transcription error, due to an unfortunate BBC bleep obscuring what he actually did say.

A spokesman for BT said that the [inaudible murmurs] were actually the sound of Alistair blinking rapidly, something which he does automatically whenever he tells a lie. - or always as it is more commonly known.


Related Articles

New Statesman : Alistair Darling interview: “Salmond is behaving like Kim Jong-il”


Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

.

 
Our Other Biased Articles

complaint

What is all this Rubbish?

Click HERE to find out.