By Sinny Mattograf, Our cinema preview correspondent

Due to the cinema ban on Referendum adverts, this one is to be acted live to cinema queues outside, by volunteer Nob associates

Voiceover:

A change is as good as a holiday, so they say. Sometimes you need to move on - redecorate the house. Or even move house entirely. For change.

That’s what some people will tell you - that change is a good thing. It’s what the NATZ are telling us all.

But wait!

Change isn’t always for the good!

For example, we spoke to a lovely young couple when we were up in Scotlandshire doing our focus groups. George and Kathy Lutz moved house once, believing they were moving to a dream new life. Kathy tells us

Kathy:

It was a nightmare

Almost immediately after we moved, things began flying around the house and doors would mysteriously slam shut. There were ghostly voices and the house seemed, well…haunted.

Voiceover:

But that was only the beginning of the horror for the Lutz family

Kathy:

Within a few days our children had become possessed by the demons of tortured spirits! The demons of a slaughtered family. We woke up one morning to blood running down the walls and spouting up from the sink. It was terrifying.

Voiceover

Fearing they may have made the wrong decision, the Lutz’s called in the local priest.

George

We thought perhaps he could mitigate our poor decision in buying the house. But instead, he ran out the house covered in a swarm of flies! It was awful, just terrible.

Kathy

And all to think this came about from simply believing making a change and “moving on” was a good thing. We realise now that with change comes uncertainty - terrible uncertainty. We will never again move or change anything.

George:

And that is why, when the Natz say we should make a change, we - the entire Lutz family say, NAW! The UK is OK as it is now. It is not stalked by evil demons and there is no blood running down the walls. Our children are not running around screaming with ectoplasm foaming from their mouths.

Why risk all this? We do not know what the result of separation and a “moving on” might be. What if the tectonic shift stirs up the souls of the dead and they begin to stalk the earth? What if dark forces are unleashed we cannot control? What if a separate Scotlandshire ends up situated on an old graveyard or something. No, no, no! Just no.

Voiceover

Listen to the Lutz family. Don’t risk the dark, demonic forces and evil spirits a separate Scotlandshire may bring. Don’t turn Scotlandshire into Amnytyvillshire.

The Lutz family were able to move: with separation there is no going back. If we end up characters in a horror story, we HAVE NO WAY BACK OUT! THERE IS NO RETURN.

We won’t even have an embassy to appeal to! The nightmare will have no end.

This advert was brought to you by Vote Nob Orders and is intended to paint a picture of what a separate Scotlandshire might look like.

It has been certified 18.

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