By Brendan Paisley, Auld Firm Fitba Correspondent

BBC Scotlandshire has been told Craig Levein has been removed as the Scotlandshire fitba manager following a run of poor results.

Scotlandshire have only gathered two points from four matches in their World Cup qualifier group. Although not mathematically impossible, qualification for Brazil 2014 already looks well beyond the team at this early stage.

The Scotlandshire FA must now pay £700,000 to the manager (nice job if you can get it), and decide on who will name the squad for the next match, a friendly on November 14.

Speculation is already rampant on possible replacements.

First Minister Alex Salmond was briefly considered for the position due to the slick way he brings forward his defensive line at FMQs. He's been catching Labour's Johann Lamont in the offside trap every week as she runs blindly towards what looks to her like an open goal.

Murdar Fraser MSP has tipped Lord Mickey Forsyth for the top job.

Lord Forsyth was indeed successful on the bench today when he managed to secure another 3 points, taking his tally to 12 points, more than Scotlandshire has managed for years.

Fraser tweeted: "Lord Forsyth to be named as new Scotlandshire football manager. 12 points in 2 years is a record Craig Levein could only dream of."

It is rumoured, however, that he will demand a chauffeur as part of any deal with the SFA.

The hot favourite for the position amongst the fans and the media is Gordon Strachan. Others names in the frame are Owen Coyle and Alex McLeish.

An SFA spokesman has confirmed they will only be looking at candidates with the recessive gene that causes red hair and a fiery temperament, and will appoint the first one to say he's willing to put an attacker on the field.

Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Select committee for Furthering Independence Through Bad Attitude, told BBC Scotlandshire:

"A bloody guid Unionist manager shud be appointit tae ensure Scotlandshire fails to qualify for Brazil 2014. That shud cross aff anuther possibility for the wee Eck tae gurner support fur separation. Auld Alec Ferguson wid dae fine – he's pure wan ay us.

"Anywiys, me an Gordy Broon huv already picked oor team - 2 wurruld wars an' a wurruld cup. Roo-nay! Roo-nay!"

Leader of Labour in Scotlandshire Johann Lamont was unavailable for comment, on account of her not understanding the offside rule.

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