Linguistic cleansing begins in the new Britain!

By Pole Danser, Our "Brits dislike Eastern Europeans" Correspondent

polesFollowing the election (at last!) of an MEP from Scotlandshire, dedicated to the ethnic purity of the British workforce, a campaign has been mounted to remove any necessity for foreign workers.

Naturally this involves a cleansing of the English language to remove any suggestion that Eastern Europe is of any value to humanity. Firms are to be urged to amend their marketing strategies to bring this desirable outcome to fruition.

Henceforth, coffee vendors are being asked to remove the former Latvian currency from their "Latte" option, thus people will be forced to ask for "te" - the original form of "tea" and much more British.

Archaeologists will be banned from using "microliths" as a description of finely crafted stone tools, in case this suggests that Lithuanians can be craftsmen. Only the term "microbrits" will be tolerated. Other academic areas will be similarly affected. Historians can no longer refer to the "Roman" Empire, because of its Romanian associations, and its diminuition of the status of the one true Empire - ours, while Dieticians will need to find a new name for Bulgar wheat - for obvious reasons.

takThe "Gordon Brown - British Jobs for British Workers - Institute" is co-operating in a trawl of the entire language to find examples where references to other groups such as Estonians, Slovaks, Slovenians etc can be imagined to exist, then excised from the language.

The first great success, however, is in getting rid of the Poles.

Commendably, tent manufacturers have replaced the need for these immigrants with hot air - and UK politicians have promised an unlimited supply - though we diid prefer the alternative slogan "You Kip Better With No Poles".

For some inexplicable reason, the Facebook page, "Poles for an independent Scotland", has attracted a huge increase in hits since the poster campaign appeared in Clydebank and other locations in Scotlandshire.

We are astonished by all these foreigners who have come here and are campaigning for "independence" for Scotlandshire. They act as "ProudScotsBut", but there's no "but"! This is intolerable. All Real Scots have a "but" - some even have a but 'n' ben.

africans for indyThe Natz deny that their campaign for a separate Scotlandshire is based on ethnicity - but we all know that's the only reason. Why else would they have all these other ethnic groups campaigning alongside them?

Not only is there "French for Yes" and one of them has even infiltrated the Scottish Parliament; but also "Germans for an Independent Scotland" and "EU Citizens for an Independent Scotland".

Some aren't even Europeans! There are "Scots Asians for Yes" and "Africans for an Independent Scotland".

Worse, some of these ethnic groups are literally out of this world. "Aliens for Yes", "Jedi for an Independent Scotland", and the infinitive splitting "Trekkies for Yes" all compete for control of an independent Scotlandshire.

Even more outlandish are "English Scots for Yes". Words fail me.

Do these people really think that they can forge a great nation from such disparate groups? Like the USA, and the UK, and Denmark, and Estonia and ... (Oh bugger!)


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