Barney over Barney in Aberdeen

By Marischal Kings, Our Loons and Quines Correspondent

swickFormer councillor Alexander Swick was reportedly "scunnered" by the Labour Party coup that toppled his successor, Barney Crockett, from leadership of the Labour/Tory Council, to be replaced by Councillor Jenny Laing.

"Now, now, said Swick, "Dinna get me intae ony mair bother. I said nithin aboot Jenny Laing bein' a coo. OK, she's nae that bonny, but I'm nae oil-paintin masel!

"Fit I dinna understand is hoo a' this wis deen sae fast. It took the Labour Party years tae get rid o' me. It must be 'cos they've teamed up wi the Tories noo. They've aye been quick tae knife folk in the back. Coorse folk, the Tories.

"At's the wye we need them tae run Scotlandshire, so's we kin a' get knifed. At's fit we in Labour ca' 'equality of opportunity'. "

In accordance with our Charter, we make few references to the Granite City or Teuchterland - except to point out that they'll be destitute when the oil runs out in a couple of years time. However, this story has some interesting pointers for the future of Scotlandshire under its one-party future with the CondemLabradoodles.

As determined by the 2010 decision by the ruling elite in Westminster, real power must lie with the Chancellor (or Osborne's equivalent in lesser spheres of government). The "leader" is allowed to "lead" just so long as he "leads" in the direction that he is told to. Failure to obey will lead to instant defenestration. The fate of Barney Crockett should be an example to all.

As with the Kings of ancient times, leaders are given the honour and privilege of rank - just so long as bountiful harvests (of votes) continue to flow in the direction of the elite. Barney's demise was made inevitable by a dreadful harvest portrayed in an Evening Express poll -

More than half rated the ruling coalition’s performance as “very poor”. Nearly two-thirds judged leader Cllr Barney Crockett’s overall performance as “very poor”, and more than eight out of 10 respondents said the council’s efforts to project a “positive image for the city” were poor or very poor.

blankNone of that would have mattered, of course, if the power behind the throne, Finance Convenor Cllr Wullie Young had continued to give Barney his support.

In a brilliant strategy, Oor Wullie had personally intervened to block Natz Ministers from using council facilities. In an even bolder move, he decided to give his actions official status, by proposing that Aberdeen should secede from Scotlandshire and ban all Natz from entering its boundaries. The enforced depopulation of Aberdeen would thus result in a permanent and total CondemLabradoodle membership of the Council.

Foolishly, just before the vote took place, Barney used his titular authority to have the motion withdrawn. "It was a very loose motion", he allegedly said, "and Wullie has splattered enough of these over the face of the Council before".

Following, the inevitable rage of Oor Wullie at having his bucket removed (where would he put his motions now?), Barney was summarily dismissed.

In plaintive tones, Barney expressed both his disappointment and his total failure to comprehend the CondemLabradoodle nature of the "new politics".

He said: “There’s a large element of surprise, but I’m a politician and I’m aware these things happen and I’ve got to get on with it.

“The reasons given were fairly slender and certainly not things which had been discussed between the Labour group and myself.

“Things that were mentioned was spending insufficient time with the Labour group members, following too closely the business development agenda, and being away from the council too much."

Such archaic thinking reveals that Barney's "hard left" political past has not entirely left him. His quaint naive idea of things being "discussed" are sooo 20th century!

Despite his conversion to rabid UK Nationalist - he has frequently publicly claimed that, contrary to splitting, the UK would expand and incorporate further territories - Barney has failed to understand the neo-liberal world.

Indeed, when he saw his former partner, Wullie, carefully shepherding Jenny round interviews and ensuring that the new queen would deliver his words exactly, Barney reacted like a spoilt bairn. His suggestion that he had the power to threaten Wullie's seat on the bucket would have amused Fat Boab - much less Wee Eck.

Ex-PM Gordon Brown allegedly had wise words of advice for Barney. "Don't think you are a 'politician' just because you were elected by people to serve their interests, and paid to do so. You are out of power now, so you are, like me, an 'ex-politician'. Don't worry though. That's when you make the really big money!"


Related Articles

Evening Express : Barney Crockett ousted as Aberdeen City Council leader

STV News : Ousted Aberdeen council leader 'surprised' by vote to remove him


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