By kind permission of Scottish Pokemon

Salmond ‘personally responsible’ for cancelling Firefly!

In a shocking turn of events, a North British Post investigation has found that Alex Salmond was ‘personally responsible’ for the cancellation of the much-beloved science-fiction series, Firefly.

This revelation is a further blow to the YES campaign that is struggling in the polls and already reeling from a series of setbacks including Alex Salmond’s endorsement of Russian anti-gay strong-man Vladamir Putin, and referring to the proud, patriotic, ordinary, hard-working people of Scotlandshire as ‘a nation of drunks.’

The television show Firefly is set 500 years in the future, on a whole new frontier in another solar system, where a rag-tag crew of Alliance supporters on the Firefly-class ship Serenity must take any job, legal or otherwise. They find themselves taking on more than they can chew though and are soon forced to go on the run from the totalitarian regime of Independent Browncoats. The series, currently sitting on Amazon UK with 5 Stars and over 800 reviews, is one of the most popular of its kind and its cancellation has been heavily criticised by fans and television producers alike. David Douglas, Amazon reviewer, states that ‘This was one of the best series I have ever seen, sci-fi or not.’

Documents obtained by the North British Post have placed Alex Salmond in the United States of America at the time of the cancellation. Salmond’s association and appreciation of Rupert Murdoch – owner of News Corp, the company which owns Fox, the channel that cancelled Firefly – is well known.

Sources from within the News Corp organisation have confirmed that Salmond was in meetings with both Rupert Murdoch and the head of Fox prior to the show’s cancellation. It should come as no surprise to this unbiased reporter that Salmond personally sabotaged this great series.

The show was praised by many for its ability to transcend genres, becoming far more than simply another science-fiction show.

It is the fluidity of the show that obviously angered Salmond, a man who no doubt prefers television genres to be separated, fixed and boxed off from one another, keeping them as ‘foreigners’ to other genres.

Joss Whedon, creator of the Firefly series as well as the equally popular Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was asked whether or not he would ever visit Scotlandshire again upon hearing the revelations of Salmond’s interference. Whedon responded, ”Well, that was a long time ago. I’ve almost gotten over it but the fact you’re bringing this up just now has brought back some bad memories. I quite like Scotlandshire, I’ve been there a few times on holiday. I just don’t see why they would have so much hatred for something I spent so much time and effort in creating. I’m directing Marvel’s ‘Avengers’ series of films and I think getting the Avengers to battle the Forces of Darkness that would rise after a YES vote, destroying large parts of Scotlandshire in the process, would be an adequate response to the First Minister”

A spokesperson for Alex Salmond declined to comment on the First Minister’s trip saying only ‘Firefly? Christ. What’ll you blame him for next, the way that Lost ended?’.

We asked Johann Lamont, leader of the Labour party in Scotlandshire, to comment on these startling revelations but Paul Sinclair informed us she ‘could only read one script at a time’.

Willie Rennie, chairman of the Scottish Lib-Dem Young Team, was available for comment however and had this to say, ”This again proves just how out of touch the First Minister is with the people of Scotlandshire. I’ve never watched Firefly but that’s not to say that many Scots haven’t. I’m more of a Gilmore Girls and Blind Date rerun sort of person but even I can see how tragically the First Minister has let down his country and its citizens. Will he now apologise for these actions? Will he take this chance to address this pressing issue? Could he possibly point to me where in the White Paper it states that Firefly will be brought back for a second season?”

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