By Wansinger Wansong, Our Eurovision Correspondent

Shock waves reverberated around the tea urns in government offices in Scotlandshire as Civil Servants in the PCS Union decided to remain neutral in the acrid debate over whether Scotlandshire should or could be in the European Broadcasting Union and have its own entry in the Eurovision Song Contest.

Union leaders had feared that their traditional stance of saying nothing publically, while they got on with the job of running the country their way, whatever the bloody politicians said, was in danger of being lost after Sir Nicholas Macpherson, Treasury permanent secretary spoke out on the issue.

"There is no bloody way," said Macpherson, "that Scotlandshire could share an entry with us. It would be damaging, impossible to operate, and just how the fUK would you share out the 'Nil Points'?"

"Proclaimers" campaigners in the Union had been busy persuading the big Union branches to openly support a Yes stance, but were soundly beaten, when the so-called "Lulu-lites" abandoned their MacPherson-ite position, and voted heavily with the leadership. Their organiser, Boom Bangabang, said, "We weren't defeated. We made a strategic withdrawal. Back in 2008, Oikotimes.com reported that the EBU had confirmed that Scotland could have their own Eurovision entry, if they wanted to. STV could enter.

"That such an announcement should come less than a year after the SNP undemocratically seized power in Holyrood threatened Lulu's place in the annals of Empire, and had to be resisted.

"Successful lobbying in the capitals and TV studios around Europe forced a change  in the EBU stance."

Director Bjørn Erichsen of Eurovision TV confirmed the change of stance. “Whatever scenario the BBC prefers, now and in the future, we are always open for a constructive dialogue that leads to a stronger Eurovision Song Contest, both with our Members, as well as with the public. But at the end of the day it is up to the BBC to decide.”

BBC Scotlandshire Head of News and Bias Johnny Bossyman, welcomed the announcement. "Of course, 'it's up to the BBC to decide'. This not a democracy in any real sense. We control the airwaves, and hence the brainwaves. The idea that voters have free choice in the polling booth is an illusion. Your minds are under our control."

The controversy is now reverberating in England as well, following a series of carefully placed jokes in BBC network shows, ridiculing the idea that Scotlandshire could ever produce its own songs. This was followed by a serious article in the esteemed, "Daily Mash", before getting the full spoof treatment in the satirical rag the "Daily Mail".

The 1969 Eurovision Song Contest was an iconic moment in post-war British history. when Lulu "won" the contest for Britain, although she actually tied with 4 other singers from inferior nations.

Lulu said, "I know it's a rotten song, but I won, so who cares? I'd have sung "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" standing on my head if that's what it took to win.... I am just so glad I didn't finish second like all the other Brits before me, that would have been awful." [1]

Chairchoob of the Select Committee for Labour Upsetting Layabout Underlings said, "Lulu wis frae Dennistoun. Like me, she rose frae poverty cos o' aw the shite spoutin' oot o' oor gobs. She wis a great wan fir Maggie Thatcher, an' keepin' Dennistoun folk poor. Ah'm the same fur Govan."

Johann La Mont was unavailable for comment. A spokesclone commented, "After the last FMQ's, she's busy learning the words to the 2013 contest song - 'Only Teardrops'. Daft bitch that she is. (Don't print that last bit!)".

[1] Sandie Shaw had actually won in 1967, but is quite rightly ignored. The BBC had wanted to drop her from appearing because she was the "other woman" in a divorce case. She also sang barefoot, and this was felt to be very un-British - the display of naked feet implying both that Brits were too poor to afford shoes, and that she was prostituting herself by appealing to lacivious foot-fetishist foreigners.

 For up to the minute news and breaking updates, follow BBC Scotlandshire's Chief Political Correspondent Nat Hunter on Twitter @ScotshireLive.

Related Articles

STV : PCS union votes to take no sides in Scottish independence debate

Daily Mail : Eurovision! Scotland warned it is not guaranteed a place if it replaces BBC with its own broadcaster

Daily Mash : Scotland joining Eurovision would be ‘very difficult for everyone’

Eurorovision : EBU follows Scottish initiative with "great interest"

Eurovision 24 : Scotland in Eurovision?

Comments

Due to the huge number of complaints, comments are no longer banned on BBC Scotlandshire News pages.

Comments or no comments, it's still OUR job to tell YOU what to think - NOT the other way around.