By Nat Hunter, Our Chief Political Correspondent

Survey finds hippy movement in comeback mode

A fictional character could do Alex Salmond’s job, a new BBC Scotlandshire survey has revealed.

As reported earlier, the first survey carried out by the corporation, in conjunction with YouGuff, had been somewhat sabotaged by Cybernats. Regardless, it was still clear that there is complete disdain for the current Scottish government.

Real Scots were given the chance to suggest a potential Prime Minister, in the joke situation of Scotlandshire voting Yes next September. They were also asked who of the current bunch could do a competent job.

In a clear blow for Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon, a hefty 8% preferred surprise choice Patrick Harvie, of the Scotch Green Party.

Prof John Poultice, the world's only polling expert, agreed the results caused a problem for the Yes campaign.

Prof Poultice said: “A large chunk of the electorate have rejected the Yes campaign heads of Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon, and there’s no better way to take the mickey out of their job performance than by siding with someone, albeit someone with no clout or chance of leadership whatsoever, who is on the same side as them.

“We’ve known for a while now about the rise of the hippy movement in Scotlandshire, so much so that the establishment went to the extreme of banning the Hippies for Separation website. But again, these sorts of movements just mean less people campaigning for Yes, and more people campaigning for, well, additional scooby snacks or something.”

Mr Harvie, who revealed his party’s separation manifesto earlier in the month, said: “Sustainable…wind farm potential…blah blah blah…maximum energy…environmentally-friendly…green…yadda yadda yadda…carbon footprint…my big garden bush.”

More of a realistic problem for the First Minister came in the form of citizen-led suggestions for Salmond’s replacement.

The open forum produced some wild results, the top one being “Me”. Thanks very much readers, but Nat Hunter (@ScotshireLive) has a job for life at BBC Scotlandshire, and there’s no chance in hell I’ll set foot anywhere near the region if it breaks away from Britannia, even if I was allowed to run the dump. The worst offer was from some crackpot website calling itself the "Daily Record". Even I wouldn't sink that low!

Other suggestions from respondents, in order of most popular to least, included Desperate Dan, Lorraine Kelly, Cyberbastard Führer of the Church of Splitology “Rev” Stu Campbell, Batman, Chairchoob Ian Davidson, and Donald Trump.

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