Splittist Disaster in Dunfermline
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By Nat Hunter, Our Political Correspondent
In a constituency that a splittist sneaked success in 2011, they were totally humiliated today when their candidate came BOTTOM OF THE POLL!
Despite trying to hide his splittism by accurately describing himself as pretending to be Independent (apologies for writing that word, but it was the description on the ballot paper). This follows the disaster that the splittists suffered in the Govan by-election to elect a councillor to the "Second City of the Empire", when the splittist candidate came BOTTOM OF THE POLL gaining only 1 (one) vote.
Only 161 voters cast their ballot for John Black (in reality of the Scottish Jacobite Party). One of his key demands was that Alex Salmond should debate with him.
This ridiculous claim that an elected (if dictatorial) First Minister should debate with someone so far below his station matches Salmond's ridiculous claim that the elected (and wholly democratic) Prime Minister should debate with someone so far below his station as the First Minister [1]. Clearly Mr Cameron should only debate with another serving Prime Minister of the UK, while the First Minister of Scotlandshire should debate with his equivalent - a backbench Westminster MP.
Votes cast for other parties were - (vote share change since 2011 in brackets)
Peter Adams, UKIP, 908 (4%)
Cara Hilton, Labour, 10275 (7%)
Zara Kitson, Green, 593 (2%)
Susan Leslie, Lib-Dem, 2852 (-8%)
James Reekie, Conservative, 2009 (1%)
Shirley-Anne Somerville, SNP, 7402 (-7%)
Polling guru John Poultice said, "Two thirds of voters voted for Unionists, while only one third voted splittist. This simpl reflects the opinion polls, that only 1 in 3 Scots support splitting the banana and will need to be exiled on 19th September next year."
[1] We hold no truck with any splittist, but a Hanoverian splittist is marginally less awful than a Jacobite splittist.
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