By Emmet Broon, Our Time and Motion Correspondent

Clear evidence has been discovered that the black hole that originated on the Scotch-English border, has now expanded to place all of England in a time warp.

When we first broke the story in February, the anomaly seemed to have little effect, other than on some politicians when they passed through the vortex straddling the border. While there were suspicions (which we highlighted!) there was no absolute proof that Chief Cybernat Salmond had personally plotted to distort English reality.

That absolute proof has now emerged!

Embarassingly, it now transpires that the BBC itself was the vehicle through which this foul virus to isolate England from the rest of the universe was transmitted. When it first broadcast "Dr Who" in 1963, it had been fooled into thinking that this was simply a science fiction show - but nothing could have been further from the truth

The names of its creators should have given the clue - "Donald" Wilson, Sydney "Newman" and CE "Webber". That trio of names so obviously nowadays screams out "CYBERNAT" but back then, we hadn't invented the term.

A Nat creation from its inception, Dr Who has frequently over-reached itself. In 1968, significant local council gains persuaded them that they could not only take over Scotlandshire, but England as well. Hence the incorporation of their symbol (illustrated above) in the episode of "Web of Fear" shown that year. Shocked by their failure to capitalise on that success, they ensured that all copies of the series (designed to caricature the loyal Union campaign which would one day appear) were destroyed.

They failed to comprehend the glory of Empire, however. Loyal Brits in Nigeria protected the damning evidence until it could be most usefully deployed.

"But what has that to do with Dictator Eck?" I hear you cry. "He was only born in 1954, so how could he have created this vast conspiracy at the age of 8?" To which I can only point out that the whole basis of Dr Who is that the Doctor regularly regenerates. This isn't fantasy, but an ancient truth known to the Celtic peoples and described in the legends of Finn. The Scotch Executive's own child indoctrination site includes  "Finn MacCool and the Salmon of Knowledge" and that gives the clue as to why this latest reincarnation adopted such a fishy name.

The Natz talk about "new Scots", but genetic advances demonstrate that there are no such animals. The regenerative Scotch gene, spread by the Scotch as mercenaries in Europe and exploiters of the Empire, simply determines that the likes of Humza Yousaf MSP were simply genetically determined to come back to Scotland through inheritance of a single Scotch gene mutation.

Not only are there no "new Scots" in that sense, but every Scot is simply a reijncarnation of a previous one. No other valid explanation exists for many of them reliving their single victory by watching Braveheart.

Fortunately, there is another Scotch gene which regenerates as well, and John Balliol ("Toom Tabard" - whatever that means!) lives on in the Unionist parties.

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