Hammond itinerary - Eats Shits and Leaves

By Ahwisati Brocks, Our Military Correspondent

eats shoots_leavesA regrettable lack of punctuation, in the MoD press briefing about Hammond's visit to Scotlandshire, lends weight to the Nat charge that he won't take part in debate or even face a press conference - as if the Scottish media would actually challenge him!

"Eats Shits and Leaves", may be an admirably terse briefing (matching the length of his visit), but will be misinterpreted.

While he was here, Hammond said that an "Independent Scottish army would not attract troops of sufficient 'calibre'." However, Scotlandshire would be quite happy for some Scots to continue to serve in the rUK Forces after independence, claimed a defence analyst.

Professor Clay More, author of "Sociopathic Personnel - Liabilities In Training Through Every Rank" said, "Those in the Armed Forces are not a cross-section of the population. A much higher proportion, than in the general population, enjoy the camaraderie of working in a close knit team; love the physical activity; and are willing to put themselves at risk to help others. All of that will be available in the Scottish Defence Force, as well as wearing a uniform that will enhance their chances of getting laid.

"Also over-represented in the Forces are psychopaths who really, really like killing people. For civilian society, having these people contained in a disciplined force, and praising them for killing nominated enemies, is a really good idea. It's much better than having them roaming through shopping centres with murderous intent. That creates a problem for a separate Scotlandshire, since the SDF is highly unlikely to become involved in attacking other countries, and wiping out native villages.

mercenary"Fortunately, Scotlandshire has a long established mechanism for solving this problem. For centuries, we have had a successful exporting industry of sending such people off to fight as mercenaries in foreign armies. The product has been highly valued by many other states.

From the 13th century, Scots mercenaries fought in Ireland. The French hired thousands of them in the 15th century, while thousands more fought for all sides in the Eastern European wars of the 16th and 17th centuries. After the Union they were fully employed in imperial expansion."

Scotlandshire's Minister for Veterans, Keith Brown agreed. "We need a different set of skills in the new SDF.  More of our forces will need to be in the Air Force and Navy than in the Army. As far as defence industry jobs are concerned, very little MoD work comes to Scottish SMEs anyway, and projects like the Eurofighter aren't within London's gift.

"Sadly some defence industry jobs are definitely stuffed. Those building the aircraft carriers, and those putting the bits together, will need to find other work at the end of the contract - whatever happens. Not only will Scotland not be building such useless and expensive ships, neither will the UK. There is every prospect, however, of extended work at Rosyth in dismantling the hulks for scrap."


 Related Articles

Edward Grant Reis : History of Scottish Mercenaries

Daily Mail : Scotland 'more likely to suffer catastrophic terror attack if it achieves independence'


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