By Jammy Nicht, Our Visiting Patroniser from London

There was outrage yesterday when it was revealed a campaign group calling itself “Labour for independence” is nothing but a front for the SNP.

The group, led by separatist Labour member Allan Grogan began on Facebook in 2012 and now has over 3000 “likes” compared to the genuine, Westminster Labour Party in Scotlandshire with just over 600.

The non-existent group has been afforded publicity recently in some of the more spoof elements of the media in Scotlandshire due to a policy conference they held at the weekend.

Around 100 3 members (figure adjusted to maintain consistency - Ed) discussed policy for a separate Scotlandshire, including abandoning Trident, leaving NATO and affirming some quaint, out-dated, old Labour beliefs such as “reducing inequality”. They also approved in principle elements of the Common Weal, the Jimmy Reid Foundation’s utopian socially democratic ideal.

 “This was always clearly an SNP front,” said Blair McDougall, Labour SPAD and leader of the Tory-funded Better Together campaign. “For one thing, the so-called policies demonstrate this by not sticking to the Bain Principle of disagreeing with anything the SNP says. The idea any genuine Labour supporter would work together with the SNP, far less agree with them, is idiotic. Secondly, only the SNP support separation. No one else at all does, and even most of them don’t. For example the “SNP voters for the Union” Facebook page we here at U-KOK set up in 2011 now has 39 likes which shows clearly there are many people in the SNP who don’t want separation!”

The revelations are hugely embarrassing for Dictator Eck (copyright Anas Sarwar 2013) and his tiny band of Natz extremists, who have already been proven to be the entire YES campaign, including the Greens, Socialists and the whole of CND, as well as several unions.

“This is hugely damaging for the SNP”, wrote Hootsmon columnist Euan McColon, “It turns out that not only are they running the country, including being a front for the entire Civil Service by producing papers on separation, leading to a White Paper due in November, but they are also a front for over 500 businesses via ‘Business for Scotland’.

The so-called, “Farmers for Yes” group demonstrates they have infiltrated the farming community, threatening Scotlandshire’s food security to separatist whims. And they have taken over the entire music, literature and arts scene via their front organisation National Collective. Now we hear they are also re-building the Labour party in Scotlandshire, including devising policies for it! This is an outrage!”

Due to the continuing failure of mythical "Scottish" Labour leader Johann Lamont to make her long-prophesied appearance, the ghost of Wullie Rennie, leader of both the Liberal Democrats in Scotlandshire moaned, “Those elements of the media in Scotlandshire who gave this clearly fake organisation column space must now question themselves. They have been hoodwinked by the SNP into believing this was a real story. It is not. There is nothing to see here. It is a concern to us in U-KOK that some of Scotlandshire’s media appears in recent weeks to have been beginning to take some separatist arguments seriously and this revelation just shows how stupid that is. In fact, come to think of it, one has to wonder if some elements of the media in Scotlandshire aren’t also becoming a front for the SNP?”

That some media in Scotlandshire – and even further afield in places like Russia – may be becoming an SNP front is a matter that has troubled BBC Scotlandshire for a while. We are well aware, in our role as the impartial and balanced national broadcaster, just how much of a bully the fat dictator can be, demanding only this  weekend that broadcasters should “take care” over how they report issues. We will never bow down to such obvious threats and bullying and would hope the other media in Scotlandshire will be equally robust in their defense of the union against the separatist menace.

As we were unable to find a spokesperson for the genuine Labour and Unionist party in Scotlandshire, we resorted to trawling the Hootsmon comments section until we found a Paisley Councillor who told us, “Voters who believe Grogan and his acolytes represents a real movement within Labour ranks are being conned. This group would have folk believe there are people within the Labour party who remain committed to ideas such as social justice, peace and democracy. That could not be further from the truth. There is a real danger people who have deserted Labour in recent years may be hoodwinked by this SNP front organisation into deserting the SNP in favour of re-joining Labour. This would be entirely under false pretences.”

The problem for Labour comes only weeks after they were forced to stem a huge influx of new members in Falkirk.

National Labour leader Ed Milliband said, “What’s happening in Scotlandshire is intolerable. Not only are a huge swathe of organisations just fronts for the SNP, but poll results show the SNP has more votes than all the U-KOK parties combined! This demonstrates that the entire electorate is a front for the SNP! Or is it that the SNP are a front organisation for the Scotch people?"

Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Scottish Select Committee for Redefining Extreme Control by London Into Normal Intervention Negating Governance translated Milliband's remark for a Scotch audience, "Whit he's blethering aboot is that youse guys hid better dae as ye're f**king telt, an stoap gettin daft ideas like tellin us whit tae dae. Like BBC Scoatlandshire sez - it's OOR job tae tell YOUSE YINS whit tae think - NO' the ither wye roon."

*Oxymoron - definition

1. A figure of speech that combines contradictory terms. Eg "Serious joke"

2. A moron who went to Oxbridge. Eg "Danny Alexander"

Related Articles

 Herald : Claims SNP members seen supporting 'Labour for Independence'

 Newsnet Scotland : 'Broadcasters have to be careful' - First Minister Alex Salmond interviewed by RT

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