By Nat Hunter, Our Political Correspondent

Johann La-Mont, the leaderene of the largest Tory Group in the Scottish Parliament has announced her new team of doughty defenders of the Union.

Out goes Ken McIntosh, who dared to challenge La-Mont for the leadership; who dared to suggest that La-Mont was leading the party in totally the wrong direction; and who was totally mince as shadow finance secretary.

In comes Iain Gray, who led the party to total humiliation as party leader in 2011; who is most notable for hiding in Subway shops and fleeing from supermarkets; and who has demonstrated little understanding of numbers, as shadow finance secretary.

Out goes Hugh Henry, of whom something might be said, but we really can't think of anything noteworthy.

In as education and lifelong learning spokesperson comes newbie Kezia Dugdale, who is notable in the Scottish Tory Group (Labour Branch) for being able to speak, write and think coherently.

La-Mont is thought to be taking a major risk with regard to her own position by letting Dugdale anywhere near the top of the party.

Out goes Richard Baker, who holds the proud record of most embarrassing the party through his inept appearances on TV and total inability to understand (or even to be able, unaided, to put on) his briefs.

In, as shadow secretary for infrastructure and capital investment, comes his rival for holding the proud record of most embarrassing the party through his inept appearances on TV and total inability to understand (or even to be able, unaided, to put on) his briefs - James Kelly.

In other moves, Jackie Baillie gives up on health, and concentrates on social justice, equalities and welfare. She also has the unenviable task of redefining these for the manifesto as 'something for nothing' areas that need to be slimmed down or cut away.

Someone called Drew Smith gains responsibility for the constitution, though that seems a miniscule role, since the constitution has been, is, and always will be the responsibility of clever people at Westminster and not the numpties in the pretendy wee Parliament in Scotlandshire.

The world's only political analyst, Professor John Poultice, commented. "These are likely to be short term appointments which will not translate into actual jobs when the separatists are spurned in 2016. It seems inevitable that the two groups within Conservatism in Scotlandshire will follow the clear lead by the clever people at Westminster and form a Blue-Red Tory Coalition to run Scotlandshire in the interests of London after the 2016 election. That is how it has been, is and always be the way things happen in the glorious Union."

The Lab/Tory Coalition plan was exclusively revealed on Friday by our Westminster correspondent Scott Fleg-Monger, in which both parties agreed to cast the Lib-Dems into the Stygian gloom. This was dramatically demonstrated to be active in Scotlandshire, when Lib-Dem MP and UK Consumer Minister Jo Swinson, was nominated by her Tory bosses to issue a statement that separate Scots would be hit by mobile phone roaming charges.

Not only was this immediately ridiculed by the separatists as the EU has already announced that roaming charges will be abolished by the time of the referendum, but her announcement was also ridiculed by Tory MSP Jackson Carlaw who scoffed, "Some of the arguments against #indy are becoming a bit silly."

BBC Scotlandshire is wholly impartial as to which UK parties are involved in ruling Scotlandshire from our capital city in London. However, for parties to criticise really good UKOK scare stories in their internal manoeverings is a tactic deeply to be regretted.

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