By John Poultice, The World's Only Polling Analyst

Sadly, the BBC Scotlandshire readership misunderstood the wording of our poll. A five syllable word which could easily be misinterpreted was too hard for the readers to understand.

The question asked was "The positive case for the Union is overwhelming. How many times have you seen it articulated?"

Exhaustive analysis of the responses has shown that most readers thought that "articulated" referred to "articulated trucks" (artics) - those foul, European determined, large lorries that mow down innocent British pedestrians and cars.

By implication, therefore, respondents thought that the question was asking whether the case for the glorious UK Union had ever been run over by nasty, foreign ideas.

Naturally, few thought this had ever happened.

A massive 93% (1381 loyal Brits) felt that the positive case for the Union had never been crushed by a large truck full of foreign ideas - thus demonstrating again the minimal nature of the separatist ideal to become foreigners.

Only 111, who must have been a group of deranged Nats, thought that the Union's case had been derailed 1 or more times.

Numerologists will have instantly noted that adding 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, so that we can safely assume that only 3 people actually believe the separatist case.

Since the SNP Cabinet consists of 8 people and there are also 11 Junior Ministers, there is feverish investigation by the impartial reporting team in the Hootsmon to identify the 3 Yes Ministers who will defy the logic of their 16 colleagues in the Scotch Executive who actually intend to vote NO in the referendum.

Research Note

The above analysis has been conducted in strict accordance with BBC Scotlandshire guidelines, and the conditions on which fee payment will be authorised.

New Poll

Johann La-Mont's Cuts Commission needs your help. Whose funding should be slashed to match London's austerity plans when separatism has been crushed? Vote now (or whenever you can be arsed to, since Ed Balls is actually writing it) in our new poll.

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