By Ahmreely Oanraright, Our Labour Party Correspondent

Unionists are planning to sieze the Donside Holyrood constituency for the Union in the by election called for 20 June following the death of separatist MSP Brian Adam.

At a secret meeting of the U-KOK parties and their allies, there was agreement that, while individual parties would put up candidates in order to pretend that there were policy differences between them, all parties would ensure that their voters would be privately encouraged to vote for a Labour candidate.

In order to achieve a consensus behind a right wing unionist candidate, Labour agreed to ditch the previous candidate for Donside, and Aberdeen Council Labour leader, Barney Crockett.

A U-KOK insider said, "Barney has made a remarkable journey from his hard left unionist past, to his hard right unionist present while maintaining his vision that the UK will not only remain undivided, but expand to incorporate other territories, and return to its historical mission of ruling inferior peoples. However, it would be difficult to persuade many of our natural supporters to shift from voting Tory or Lib-Dem to vote for him, because of his previous political stance. We told SLAB that they would not be allowed to put him forward as the candidate."

Obediently, Donside Labour selected Councillor Willie Young as their candidate. Willie has great credentials as the United Unionist candidate. He has never knowingly made any statement, or expressed any political opinion, that would concern Tories - whether of the Conservative or Lib-Dem varieties. As director of a property development company, with income from eight different properties, and a role as SPAD to extremist Unionist MSP Richard Baker, he is the ideal U-KOK candidate.

Other Unionist candidates will appear on the ballot paper, in order to create the impression of democracy. However, as Anas Sarwar MP has pointed out, "Holyrood is not a democracy - so we don't need to pretend that Unionist candidates subscribe to such an outdated concept."

The Liberal Democrats have selected a guaranteed loser to weakly wave their flag beneath the radar of political recognition. Christine Jardine will earnestly try to ensure that her party gets even less than the 6% they got in Donside 2011. "When I stood in Inverness and Nairn in 2011, I reduced the LD vote by 16%." she said, "In this by election, starting from a lower base, equalling that achievement will be difficult, but the target is to lose my deposit, and that should be easily achieved."

Ruth Davidson's Conservative and we Love London Rule Party have nominated Councillor Ross Thomson as their candidate, but the party's pair of supporters in Donside are believed to be wholly uninterested as to that. "Labour suits us fine". they said.

"As long as there is a candidate who wants Britain to be great, London to be Britain, and bankers to be London then our short term investments will be fine. Long term, of course, our cash is invested where it can't be taxed to provide for the scum who didn't bother to inherit our level of wealth."

Councillor Thomson said, "I enjoyed the 2011 campaign, when I got a massive 8% of the vote. I look forward to my supporters voting Labour in this election to destroy the separatists. Losing my deposit along with the Lib-Dem candidate will reinforce the unity of our Coalition at Westminster. We are Better Together.

UKIP claims that it will put up a candidate to argue for the abolition of the Scottish Parliament altogether, and return the governance of Scotlandshire to its proper place - London.

Rhonda Reekie, Scottish Separtist Green Party candidate is confident of increasing the Green tally from the 2011 level, since they didn't stand in the constituency last time round.

It is expected that the SNP will select List MSP Mark McDonald as their candidate. Clearly, such a selection is designed to increase the role of nasty foreigners to govern us loyal Brits in Scotlandshire, as McDonald's replacement (whether he loses, or cheats his way to victory) would be a Frenchman! Christiam Allard even boasts on his Facebook page, "I came to Scotland more than 25 years ago to open an office in Glasgow for a European seafood transport and logistics network, and yes I am French."

BBC Scotlandshire demands that Westminster passes emergency legislation to prevent such an occurrence. England didn't fight the French for so many centuries, to allow a Froggie to take part in the governance of one of England's oldest colonies.

 Related Articles

Register of Members’ Interests – Cllr Willie Young

Herald : Frenchman Allard poised to break new ground as Holyrood's first Gallic MSP

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