Think tank calls for privatization of democracy

By Corp O'RateOur Business is Best  Correspondent

lab mpsFollowing the successful privatisation of the NHS in Englandshire, a right wing think tank has proposed that the governance of the UK should be “radically overhauled” by liberalising the way MPs are elected to serve constituents.

“Just look around Westminster at your MPs”, management consultant Eck Witty said, “they are inefficient, lazy, hugely expensive and generally useless. That is the public sector for you.”

The report, largely ignored in Scotlandshire due to the exciting visit of George Osborne to warn how terrible separation would be, sets out how an alternative form of “market democracy” might work in the UK.

It proposes sweeping changes to a wasteful electoral system whereby several “parties” spend huge amounts of taxpayers money holding “elections”.

Many of them are fringe lunatic parties such as the Monster Raving Looney party, Natural Law Party, Pirate Party, a guy in a penguin suit, Greens, Socialists and the SNP.

Over recent years, ever fewer people have turned out, and many "elections" are a forgone conclusion in any case. In some shires in Englandshire recently, they were such a foregone conclusion every other candidate but the Tory pulled out, meaning people in those places were not even offered a vote.

“This is an expensive charade,” Witty said, “which leaves us with piss-poor politicians, who the taxpayer then pays for again in the form of wages, expenses, second and third homes, and gold plated pensions.”

The report concludes that all these costs can be saved, and a vast amount of money generated instead for the public purse if the system was liberalised, removed entirely from the public sector, and constituency seats were simply sold to the highest bidder.

rotten-boroughs

Sir Jevin Sir-Beaverbrooke Gradgrind of UKIP welcomed the report. “Often the electoral system is hugely unfair to parties like mine - and to friends of mine like the fine, upstanding oilman Ian Taylor - who are cash rich but voter poor in some areas, especially the North and Scotlandshire. This would enable democracy to work better, allowing more voices to buy their way into the political process directly, rather than via the dirty, convoluted and non-transparent methods of brown envelopes, bullying and bribes which many wealthy individuals are currently forced to use. It is this transparency, and the savings to taxpayers, that we see as the huge benefit of the proposed change, and we will be banging on about these two things to our friends in the Daily Mail, Sun, Telegraph and North British Telegraph – what is it you people call it? The Hoots Man or some such thing – endlessly between now and until this legislation buys its way onto the statute books.”

virgin blueRichard Branson also welcomed the proposals as part of a debate about how best democracy can work for the people. “Virgin believes we can offer a huge amount as a political representative of the people. We could bring some much needed fun into politics, and the competition would be wonderful for re-invigorating a moribund political process. We are already in talks with Simon Cowell to see if there is a way we can perhaps include an X-factor style competition in some areas, through which bidders could immediately recoup the cost of their bid.”

BBC Scotlandshire business unit did look for some kind of leftie type to interview for "balance" but couldn't find any, probably because they no longer exist, just as no one opposed to NHS privatisation exists. We are, as our beloved leader Cameron says, all Thatcherites now.

The closest we could find was Ian Davidson, head of the Scottish Select Committee to Secure Unionism & Continue Kicking Insolent Traitors Usurping Powers who said, “Aye, well Ah’m no often wan tae agree wi they right wing think tank folks, bunch o' wee cretins they ur. But if they huv mair money than they separatists in Scotlandshire huv an they kin buy oot the separatists dictators who only goat in by bein’ electit by separatists who shouldnae even huv the vote in ma book, then ah’m a fur it, ay.” 


Related Articles

Electoral Reform Society : Rotten Boroughs

Guardian : NHS: Section 75 of the health act is an engine for destruction

 


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