By Fukyon Pairfowk, Our Social Affairs Correspondent

"Bedroom marchers are totally misguided" says UKOK head, Alastair Darling. "All the Westminster parties (well, at least the leaders of Labour and Lib Dems are united with the Tories) to to to prioritise Britain's greatest problems. And the greatest of these is the London housing crisis.

"Look!", he said, "Look!, you can't get away from the reality that only London produces any wealth.

"Most of that wealth comes from millionaires and billionaires, and we need lots more of them to to to come to London, so that they can give employment to to to to some poor people.

"Look! That's why so many poor people come to to to London, because that's the only place where Britain is creating any jobs. That creates a huge housing crisis and rents are forced up (which is a good thing for the millionaires and billionaires).

"It also means some poor people are overcrowded, while others have a spare cupboard which could accommodate an extended family. In terms of social justice, we can't allow some poor Londoners to to to be, as my friend Alex Johnstone Tory MSP put it on 'Scotland TheNicht', a 'small privileged group with a spare room' compared with other poor Londoners who don't."

Ian Duncan Smith, Secretary of State for Worklessness and Reducing Pensions, welcomed the massive UKOK intervention. "You've hit the G-Spot, Darling", he squealed. "We are so, so Better, when we come Together in the bedroom area and share our issues. From our union, so many good things have flowed, and the consummation of Britishness has been a beautiful thing."

Barclays Bank's 'Money Skills' website has some really good advice for people who have to move house because of the Tax. "It can be hard to move away from the place you've always known," they say, "but try and see it as a new opportunity. You may find an exciting new job, meet new people, and fall in love with your new home - on Ailsa Craig."

People in Scotland, who complain that a London problem is being foisted on to them should remember the wise words of Jim Murphy MP, to the Calman Commission. Murphy said, "We believe in a social union of the United Kingdom and that people, whether they are unemployed in Glasgow or Gateshead, should have similar access to benefit entitlements in a welfare state. We instinctively believe as a Government that the welfare state is one of the great unifying things of our nation and in times like these in particular it is important that we support it." He may have added, "So what's right for London, is right for Scotland, no matter how shit the effects on Scotland are. It's also a useful way of returning England's money to England."

SNP Housing Minister, Margaret Burgess said, "At last, something I can agree with Jim Murphy on! The Bedroom Tax has indeed proved to be 'one of the great unifying things of our nation' and the Scottish nation is united against it. Hoist on yer ain petard, Jim - bet it really hurts!"

Johann Lamont was willing to pout and posture against the Bedroom Tax for us, whilst actually doing nothing. However, that sort of soft porn movie would offend not only the high moral stance of BBC Scotlandshire, but every human being.

Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Scottish Select Committee Seeking Oversexed Hairies Overindulging in Gender Appropriate Massage Erotic Style said, "Bedrooms? Ye dinnae need even wan!. Since ah goat yon 'reclining furniture with added extras' there's bin nae need. Fantastic whit ye can dae on them! Best thing ra taxpayer ever wasted money oan."

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Huffington Post : Bedroom Tax Protests Take Place Around The UK 

[We regret that the Huffington Post chose to publish a tweet from the SNP Housing Minister]

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