RAF to use new 200lb Bums

By Givem L Sergeant, Our Defence Correspondent

defence cutsFurther big cuts in defence spending will lead to the loss of the UK's armed forces capability, Defence Secretary Philip Hammond has warned. He told BBC Scotlandshire things were "extremely taut" after the biggest cuts since 1991 and that he would be "fighting the corner for my budget and defence".

Mr Hammond said: "There may be some modest reductions we can make through further efficiencies and we will look for those, but we won't be able to make significant further cuts without eroding military capability."

Adding that “it’s simply a farce, we are being told that we can’t afford to strut the world stage showing off our Trident Missiles. This is extremely bad news for the UK’s global standing and may even lead to us not being on the guest lists to some ambassadors receptions, which as you know are noted for the hosts exquisite taste.”

In a sign that he agreed with the worries of the Defence Secretary, David Cameron noted “Such a situation is simply untenable at a time when the UK has lost its AAA rating; another downgrade in international status may well lose us a permanent seat on the UN Security council. Clearly this is unacceptable and no budget will be spared to ensure that we can continue to punch above our weight militarily.”

Toy_PlanesIn a move designed to show his commitment to Weapons of Mass Destruction, Resource Wars and the Arms Trade, the Prime Minister announced that he was prepared to see the international aid budget go to “peacekeeping operations” in countries that the UK are going to invade. The announcement was made as a demonstration of the principle was made by a Royal Navy warship parked in a Libyan port on an arms trade junket sponsored by the UK tax payer from the aid budget in question.

A number 10 spokesperson noted that “The UK aims to meet the 0.7% target for international aid set by the UN and have been assured by Westminster lawyers that the despotic regimes in resource rich countries are a hindrance to delivering aid, thereby needing removed to provide the security required for the multinational aid corporations that successfully bid for contracts.”

Clearly still rattled by the prospect of not being able to spend £130 Billion on Weapons of Mass Destruction and invade foreign countries while still being able to defend the British Isles was still weighing heavy on Phillip Hammond as he gave an interview to the Daily Telegraph. Mr Hammond said a number of Conservative cabinet ministers believed "that we have to look at the welfare budget again... if we are going to get control of public spending on a sustainable basis and ensure our warfare capabilities. In essence we need to get more out of those on welfare". It’s at this point, while looking at the welfare statistics, the group came up with a solution.

fat bombIt has just been announced that as of next month, the RAF will be dropping welfare claimants instead of bombs onto enemy forces. In a move that has shocked many; the Coalition government has been rounding up the homeless in Westminster for the first wave. The drunk tanks were dutifully sifted to pull out the representatives of the House of Lords who occasionally frequent them and the dregs were handed over to the Airforce.

The move gained approval from Lord Fraser of Carmyllie who noted that his existing plans to bomb Scottish airports on independence would have to be amended but went onto say that “the plan is a masterstroke. We can finally get these workshy wasters off benefits, as they will be dead, and save a fortune in munitions in the process. The sheer psychological factor will be a great advantage, Caesar had elephants to scare the native Britons and we will have raining welfare claimants. Once the enemy see what we do to our own people they will run in sheer horror.”

Angus Robertson, SNP defence spokesman said: “It’s a sad state of affairs when we have the so called mother of all parliaments threatening to bomb Scotland with 200Lb Bums.”



Related Articles

BBC UK News : Philip Hammond warns defence cuts 'risk capability'

Yahoo News : vvvPM hints at new use of aid budget

BBC UK News : UK loses top AAA credit rating for first time since 1978

Guardian : Royal Navy sends warship to Libya to showcase defence equipment

Guardian : Revealed: the £130bn cost of Trident replacement

(Not very) Independent : Baron Zebedee should have a spring in his step

Huffington Post :  England Would 'Bomb Scottish Airports To Defend Itself' Lord Fraser Warns

 


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