By Givem L Sergeant, Our Defence Correspondent

LabourTory has joined with ToryTory to ensure that rUK will continue to have WMD after the 2015 election, despite the prospect of having nowhere to keep them.

"£25bn is a ridiculously small sum of money to borrow to make sure that we can posture alongside other isolationist wee countries like North Korea and Israel", said Labour Lord East/ West/ Trident's Best of Spitting Image.

"We must make sure that the English people don't have the opportunity to waste resources on the redundant ideal of the welfare state."

"Nothing is of more importance to the people of England (and those other folk in Wales and NI who don't matter) than borrowing huge sums of money to provide the ultimate defence of our seat on the Security Council of the UN", an unnamed senior LabourTory party source called Jim Murphy said. "While Ed thinks that building the Trident subs will boost our chances of stopping Scotlandshire voting for separation, and allowing us to keep Faslane after 2016, that's only because he thinks Barrow-in-Furness is north of Hadrian's Wall.

"When I get the Barrow seat that I've been promised after separation, I'll resurrect the mantra of Imperial Britain in the Kenyan camps above the gates of the shipyard - 'Labour and Freedom' - though I may rework that into a catchier phrase."

ToryTory Defence Secretary, Philip Hammond, welcomed the LabourTory announcement. "They are our real partners", he said, "as the LibDemTories are double dealing promise breakers who'll fade into inappropriate touching distance of holding any seats at Westminster. Instead of committing to a like for like Trident replacement they want some kind of mini-missile system. I've overheard the LibDem leadership saying to their interns: "Have you seen my pocket rocket?"

"In any political system, there is a danger that some significant Tory group will break ranks, and offer the people an actual democratic choice between different policies. This announcement ensures that the English electorate will be saved the agonies of being forced to make a choice. As we live in a plebocracy,  they will be happy to be told what to think and do.

"There is a potential embarassment, if anyone remembers that we also said it would cost another £25bn to move WMD from Scotlandshire, but fortunately, we know that the English media ensure that the electorate retains the attention span of a goldfish. Naturally we wouldn't want to expose people in England to having nukes stored near to them, so we have a simple solution.

"The subs will be based at Devonport, while the Americans will store the missiles and warheads. We just have to pay them a modest rental of £24.75bn for Trident missiles when we want to borrow some to demonstrate how independent separate our nuclear deterrent is."

U-KOK supremo, Alastair Darling denied that the announcement would have a negative effect on the No campaign. "Look", he said, "our entire campaign is built on a carefully constructed set of double negatives. For us, every negative is a positive."

Our researchers searched Twitter for a response from Johann Lament. While "Awright plebs" seemed a strange response, we trust our researchers completely - except with the keys to the staff bar.

Ian Davidson MP and Chairchoob of the Westminster Select Committee, Caterwauling Rancid Unionist Fantasies To Scots barked, "Folk need a doin. Gie me wan o yon muckle great missiles, an I'll gie the hale fu**in world a doin! At wid be bluidy guid, eh?"

Related Articles

(Not very) Independent : Labour to join Tories in backing a £25bn deal to renew Trident fleet

Sunday Times : £25bn bill to move Trident out of Scotlandshire

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